UMA umbhangqwana uxabana, ingabe lokhu kusho ukuthi awusathandani? Cha! UFernando noSarah, abacashunwe ngenhla, bathandana ngempela. Kodwa, ngisho nasemishadweni emihle kakhulu, ziyoba khona izingxabano ngezikhathi ezithile.

Kungani kuba nezingxabano, futhi yini ongayenza ukuze uzinqande zingawoni umshado wakho? Njengoba umshado uyilungiselelo elaklanywa uNkulunkulu, kunengqondo ukuhlola ukuthi iZwi lakhe, iBhayibheli, lithini ngale ndaba.—Genesise 2:21, 22; 2 Thimothewu 3:16, 17.

Imibhangqwana eminingi eshadile ifuna ukuphathana ngothando nangomusa. Kodwa, ngobuqotho iBhayibheli lithi “bonke bonile futhi bayasilela enkazimulweni kaNkulunkulu.” (Roma 3:23) Ngakho lapho kuphakama izingxabano, kungase kube nzima ukulawula imizwelo. Futhi uma kuqala izingxabano, abanye bangase bakuthole kunzima ukugwema imikhuba emibi, enjengokuklabalasa nokuhlambalaza. (Roma 7:21; Efesu 4:31) Yiziphi ezinye izinto ezingase zidale ukungezwani?

Ngokuvamile indoda nomfazi baba nezindlela ezingafani zokusho izinto. UMichiko uthi: “Lapho sisanda kushada, ngathola ukuthi sinemibono engafani ngokubonisana ngezinto. Ngiyathanda ukukhuluma hhayi nje ngalokho okwenzekile kodwa nangokuthi kungani kwenzekile nokuthi kwenzeke kanjani. Umyeni wami ubonakala enesithakazelo esiphethweni sendaba.”

Inkinga kaMichiko ayiyona into engavamile. Emishadweni eminingi omunye angase afune ukuxoxa kabanzi ngezinto okungavunyelwana ngazo kuyilapho omunye engakuthandi ukuqagulisana futhi efuna ukuyigwema indaba. Ngezinye izikhathi, njengoba omunye ephikelela ngendaba, kuba yilapho omunye ezama ukuyigwema indaba. Ingabe uke wakuqaphela lokhu emshadweni wakho? Ingabe oyedwa phakathi kwenu uhlale efuna ukuyiningiliza indaba, kuyilapho  omunye engafuni kukhulunywe ngemininingwane yendaba?

Enye into okufanele icatshangelwe isizinda somkhaya umuntu oshadile akhulele kuso esingase sithonye indlela othile acabanga ukuthi abantu abashadile kufanele bakhulumisane ngayo. UJustin, oseneminyaka eyisihlanu eshadile, uthi: “Ngikhulele emkhayeni ongakhulumi kakhulu futhi ngikuthola kunzima ukuveza imizwa yami ngokukhululekile kwabanye. Lokhu kuyamkhungathekisa umkami. Umkhaya wakubo uyazikhulumela, ngakho akanayo inkinga yokungitshela indlela azizwa ngayo.”

Abahlaziyi baye bathola ukuthi uphawu olunokwethenjelwa lokuthi injabulo yomkhaya iyoba njani akukona ukuthi umbhangqwana utshelana kaningi kangakanani ukuthi uyathandana. Ukwanelisana ngokobulili nesimo esihle sezimali nakho akuzona izinto ezibaluleke kakhulu. Kunalokho, uphawu okungathenjelwa kakhulu kulo lokuphumelela komshado indlela indoda nomfazi abasingatha ngayo izingxabano lapho ziphakama.

Ngaphezu kwalokho, uJesu wathi lapho umbhangqwana ushada, akuyena umuntu kodwa uNkulunkulu obabophela ndawonye. (Mathewu 19:4-6) Ngakho-ke, umshado omuhle udumisa uNkulunkulu. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma indoda ihluleka ukubonisa uthando nokucabangela umkayo, uJehova uNkulunkulu angase angayilaleli imithandazo yayo. (1 Petru 3:7) Uma owesifazane engamhloniphi umyeni wakhe, ngokuqinisekile akamhloniphi uJehova, obeke indoda njengenhloko yomkhaya.—1 Korinte 11:3.

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi indlela yakho yokukhulumisana nabanye noma isizinda somkhaya sinjani, kunezindlela zokukhulumisana ezilimazayo okufanele zigwenywe uma uzokwazi ukusebenzisa izimiso zeBhayibheli nokuxazulula izingxabano ngendlela ephumelelayo. Zibuze imibuzo elandelayo:

‘Ingabe ngiyalwa nomuzwa wokuphendula ngamazwi alimazayo?’

Isaga esihlakaniphile sithi: “Ukucindezela ikhala kukhipha umongozima, nokukhama intukuthelo kuveza ukuxabana.” (IzAga 30:33) Kusho ukuthini lokho? Cabangela lesi sibonelo. Ingxoxo eqale ngokuba nombono ongafani endleleni yokusebenzisa imali (“kufanele silawule indlela esisebenzisa ngayo ikhadi lokuthenga ngesikweleti”) ingase ishintshe ngokushesha ibe ukuhlaselana ngalokho omunye nomunye ayikho (“ave ungenangqondo”). Yiqiniso, uma umngane womshado ‘ekucindezela ikhala’ ngokukuhlambalaza, ungase ufune ‘ukucindezela’ elakhe nawe. Kodwa, ukuphindisela kuholela entukuthelweni nasekudlondlobaleni kwengxabano.

Umlobi weBhayibheli uJakobe waxwayisa: “Bhekani! Yeka ukuthi kudinga umlilo omncane kangakanani ukuthungela ihlathi elikhulu ngomlilo! Ulimi-ke luwumlilo.” (Jakobe 3:5, 6) Uma imibhangqwana ihluleka ukulawula ulimi lwayo, ukungezwani okuncane ngokushesha kungaphenduka ingxabano engalawuleki. Futhi imishado evame ukuba nezingxabano ezishisa kanjalo ngokuphindaphindiwe ayisakhi isimo sokuthula esingabangela ukuba uthando lukhule.

Esikhundleni sokuphindisela, ungamlingisa yini uJesu, ‘ongaphindiselanga ngokuthuka’ lapho ethukwa? (1 Petru 2:23) Indlela eshesha kunazo zonke yokudambisa ukungezwani ukucabangela umbono walowo oshade naye nokuxolisa ngengxenye obe nayo engxabanweni.

‘Ingabe ngiyayilulaza imizwa yalowo engishade naye?’

IZwi likaNkululnkulu liyayala: “Nonke yibani nomqondo ofanayo, nibonisa ukuzwelana.” (1 Petru 3:8) Cabangela ezimbili zezizathu ezingabangela ukuba uhluleke ukusebenzisa lesi seluleko. Esinye sazo kungaba ukuntula ukuqonda imicabango, noma imizwelo  yoshade naye. Ngokwesibonelo, uma oshade naye ekhathazeka kakhulu ngezinto ezithile ezingakukhathazi wena, ungase uthambekele ekutheni, “Ukhathazeka ngokweqile.” Inhloso yakho ingaba ukusiza oshade naye ukuba abe nombono ofanele ngenkinga. Kodwa, bambalwa abantu abaduduzwa yinkulumo enjalo. Bobabili owesilisa nowesifazane badinga ukwazi ukuthi abantu ababathandayo bayaqonda futhi bayazwelana nabo.

Ukuqhosha okungafanele nakho kungase kubangele ukuba umuntu ayilulaze imizwelo yalowo ashade naye. Umuntu oqhoshayo uzama ukuziphakamisa ngokululaza abanye njalo. Angase akwenze lokhu ngokubachwensa noma ukubaqhathanisa nabanye abantu ngokungafanele. Cabangela isibonelo sababhali nabaFarisi bosuku lukaJesu. Lapho othile—ngisho nomunye umFarisi—eveza umbono owawungafani nowalaba bantu abaqhoshayo, babebachwensa. (Johane 7:45-52) UJesu wayengenjalo. Wayezwelana nabanye lapho beveza indlela abazizwa ngayo kuye.—Mathewu 20:29-34; Marku 5:25-34.

Cabanga ngendlela osabela ngayo lapho oshade naye eveza imizwa yakhe. Ingabe amazwi akho, isimo sezwi nesobuso kubonisa uzwela? Noma ingabe uthambekele ekushesheni ukuchiliza imizwa yoshade naye?

‘Ingabe njalo nginomuzwa wokuthi izisusa zalowo engishade naye ezobugovu?’

“Ingabe uJobe umesabé ngeze yini uNkulunkulu? Awuzange yini wena umbiyele yena nendlu yakhe nakho konke anakho nxazonke?” (Jobe 1:9, 10) Ngalawo mazwi, uSathane wayengabaza izisusa zendoda ethembekile uJobe.

Uma imibhangqwana eshadile ingaqaphile ingahle iwele ogibeni olufanayo. Ngokwesibonelo, uma oshade naye ekwenzela okuthile okuhle, ingabe uyazibuza ukuthi kazi yini ayifunayo noma ayifihlayo? Uma oshade naye enza iphutha, ingabe ubheka lelo phutha njengesiqinisekiso sokuthi unobugovu futhi akakhathaleli? Ingabe uwakhumbula ngokushesha amaphutha afanayo esikhathi esidlule bese unezela leli kulolo hlu?

Umphostoli uPawulu wabhala: “Uthando . . . alunamagqubu.” (1 Korinte 13:4, 5) Uthando lwangempela luyabona. Futhi alunawo amagqubu. Lapho ekhuluma ngothando uPawulu wathi “lukholelwa yizo zonke izinto.” (1 Korinte 13:7) Akukona ukuthi lolu thando lukwenza ukhohliseke, kodwa lukulungele ukwethemba. Alunazo izinsolo. Uhlobo lothando olukhuthazwa yiBhayibheli lukulungele ukuthethelela futhi lukulungele ukubacangela okuhle abanye. (IHubo 86:5; Efesu 4:32) Uma abashadile bebonisana lolu hlobo lothando, bayojabula emshadweni wabo.