Ukuqhubeka Nobomi Emva Koqhawulo-mtshato
“Kwakungathi ubomi bam bufikelele esiphelweni. Izinto bezikuhambela kakuhle, ngephanyazo yonke into obunayo ayisekho.”
—UMARK, * ononyaka eqhawule umtshato.
“Umyeni wam wathandana nebhinqa elalilingana nentombi yethu. Xa sawuqhawulayo umtshato kwathi xibilili kum kuba ndaphumla kumsindo wakhe, kodwa ke kwangaxeshanye ndandiziva ndihlazekile ndingaxabisekanga.”
—UEMMELINE oneminyaka eyi-17 eqhawule umtshato.
Abanye abantu baqhawula umtshato benethemba lokufumana isiqabu, kanti abanye ngeba bayanqwenela ukuhlala betshatile kodwa abakwazi kunyanzela abayeni okanye amakhosikazi abo ukuba angabashiyi. Sekunjalo, uninzi lwabo baqhawule imitshato lufumanise ukuba ubomi buye banzima kakhulu kunokuba belucinga. Ukuba nawe usandul’ ukuqhawula umtshato, mhlawumbi ufumanise ukuba le yenye yezona ntlungu wakhe wakuzo. Ukuba kunjalo, ukufunda la macebiso eBhayibhile kungakunceda ukwazi ukujongana neengxaki zoqhawulo-mtshato.
INGXAKI 1: UKUZIVA UBUHLUNGU.
Usenokonganyelwa kukuziva ubuhlungu ngenxa yeengxaki zemali, ukukhulisa abantwana nokuba nesithukuthezi, ibe oko akukhawulezi kuphele. Ugqirha wengqondo ongasekhoyo, uJudith Wallerstein wafumanisa ukuba abanye basaziva bengcatshiwe, belahliwe yaye besithi “obu bomi abubaphathelanga nto, bubaphoxile kwaye bubashiye benesithukuthezi” nasemva kweminyaka bawuqhawulayo umtshato.
OKO UNOKUKWENZA
Zinike ixesha lokuxola. Usenokumkhumbula lowo wawutshate naye. Enokuba kwakungekho mnandi emtshatweni, usenokuba buhlungu kuba izinto zingakuhambelanga kakuhle. (IMizekeliso 5:
18) Ungaze ube neentloni ‘zokulila.’ —INtshumayeli 3:1, 4. Kulumkele ukuzahlula kwabanye. Nangona lifuneka ixesha lokuba ukhe ube wedwa, ukuzenza ikheswa ixesha elide asibobulumko. (IMizekeliso 18:1) Xa uhleli nabahlobo bakho, musa ukusoloko ugxeka umntu obutshate naye, enoba unezizathu ezivakalayo, kuba oko kungenza bakubaleke. Ukuba kuza kufuneka wenze izigqibo ezibalulekileyo emva kokuba uqhawule umtshato, cela icebiso kumntu omthembayo.
Yikhathalele impilo yakho. Intlungu eba khona emva koqhawulo-mtshato idla ngokubangela izigulo ezifana nehigh blood okanye usoloko uqaqanjelwa yintloko. Ngoko yitya ukutya okusempilweni, jima uze ulale ngokwaneleyo.
—Efese 5:29. Zisuse izinto ezinokwenza umcaphukele umntu obutshate naye okanye ongasazisebenzisiyo, kodwa ke ungawalahli wona amaphepha abalulekileyo. Ukuba iifoto zenu zomtshato zikwenza buhlungu, zifake ebhokisini ukuze uzigcinele abantwana bakho.
Sukuzicingela kakubi. UOlga owaqhawula umtshato ngenxa yokukrexeza komyeni wakhe, wathi: “Ndandisoloko ndizibuza ukuba ‘Yintoni anayo lo mfazi, le ndingenayo mna?’ ” Kodwa ke uOlga waye waqonda ukuba ukusoloko uzibeka ityala kunokukwenza ube ‘nomoya oxhwalekileyo.’
—IMizekeliso 18:14. Abantu abaninzi bathi ukuzibhala phantsi iingcinga zabo kubanceda bakwazi ukucinga kakuhle. Xa usenza le nto, zama ukutshintsha iingcinga ezimbi ngezilungileyo. (Efese 4:23) Nantsi imizekelo emibini:
Ngaphambili: Ndim obangele ukuba iqabane lam likrexeze.
Ngoku: Enokuba ndiyintoni, iqabane lam alithetheleleki ngokukrexeza.
Ngaphambili: Ndidlale ngexesha lam ndihleli nesimanga sendoda.
Ngoku: Ndiza konwaba ukuba ndiyalibala ngezinto ezidlulileyo ndize ndicinge ngekamva.
Sukuzifak’ engqondweni izinto ezimbi ezithethwayo. Izihlobo nezalamane zakho zingathetha izinto ezikwenza ube buhlungu, mhlawumbi zithi: ‘Kakade, laa ngantweni womfazi ebengakufanelanga,’ okanye ‘uThixo uyalucaphukela uqhawulo-mtshato.’ * Yiloo nto kanye iBhayibhile isithi: “Musa ukuyinikela intliziyo yakho kuwo onke amazwi abawathethayo abantu.” (INtshumayeli 7:21) UMartina oneminyaka emibini eqhawule umtshato uthi: “Ndiye ndicinge ngoko kuthethwa nguThixo, kunokusoloko ndicinga ngamazwi abuhlungu athethwa ngabantu. Kaloku iingcinga zakhe ziphakamile kunezethu.”
—Isaya 55: 8, 9. Thandaza kuThixo. Ukhuthaza abanquli bakhe ukuba ‘baliphose kuye lonke ixhala labo,’ ingakumbi xa besentlungwini.
—1 Petros 5:7.
ZAMA OKU: Bhala phantsi iivesi zeBhayibhile ocinga ukuba ziluncedo, uzibeke kwiindawo ekulula ukuzibona kuzo. Ngaphezu nje kweevesi esisele sithethe ngazo, abantu abaninzi abaqhawule umtshato baye bancedwa zezi vesi: INdumiso 27:10; 34:18; Isaya 41:10; kunye namaRoma 8:38, 39.
Vumela iLizwi likaThixo likuncede xa usentlungwini
INGXAKI 2: UKUQHUBANA NOMNTU OWAWUTSHATE NAYE.
UJuliana owayetshate kangangeminyaka eyi-11, uthi: “Ndamcenga umyeni wam ukuba angandishiyi. Kodwa emva kokuba emkile, ndamqumbela yena nalaa mfazi waya kuhlalisana naye.” Nasemva kweminyaka beqhawule umtshato, abaninzi basaba nomsindo xa becinga ngamaqabane abo. Nangona kunjalo, kuye kunyanzeleke ukuba basebenzisane nabo, ingakumbi xa benabantwana.
OKO UNOKUKWENZA
Xa kufuneka nithethile, thethani nje ngaloo nto iyimfuneko. Xa nikunye, thethani ngezinto ezibalulekileyo, ningabi bade, ningqale. Abaninzi bathi eli cebiso libanceda bagcine uxolo.
—Roma 12:18. Sukuthetha amazwi arhabaxa. Xa uziva unomsindo, ungancedwa leli cebiso leBhayibhile: “Nabani na owabambayo amazwi akhe unolwazi, nomntu oqondayo unomoya opholileyo.” (IMizekeliso 17:
27) Ukuba uyaqonda ukuba awuzukwazi ukuzibamba, usenokuthi: “Besingenakuphinda siyithethe le nto ngelinye ixesha?” Zama kangangoko ukuba kungabikho nto ikudibanisa nomntu obutshate naye, kuquka imicimbi yezomthetho, imali nezonyango.
ZAMA OKU: Xa uphinda uthetha naye, lumka xa ubona ngathi omnye wenu uvukwa yinkani. Ukuba ubona kufanelekile, bekani ingca nize niphinde niwuthethe lo mcimbi nge-email okanye ngezinye indlela ezingazokunenza nithethe ubuso ngobuso.
INGXAKI 3: UKUNCEDA ABANTWANA BAYIQHELE IMEKO YENU.
UMaria uyikhumbula kakuhle indlela izinto ezaziyiyo emva kokuba eqhawule umtshato. Uthi: “Intombi yam encinci yayilila kakhulu, yade yaphinda yaqalisa ukuzichamela xa ilele. Nangona intombi enkulu yayizifihla indlela evakalelwa ngayo, nayo yayibonakala ukuba ikhathazekile.” Unokukhathazwa kukucinga ukuba awenzi okwaneleyo ukuze uncede abantwana bakho kanye ngexesha abakudinga ngalo.
OKO UNOKUKWENZA
Bacele abantwana bakho bangakufihleli oko kusentliziyweni, enokuba ‘bayabhuda.’
—Yobhi 6: 2, 3. Musa ukuthwalisa abantwana uxanduva. Nangona umntwana esenokuthanda ukukunceda xa udinga umntu onokuphalazela kuye imbilini, akulunganga ukucela umntwana angene kwizinto zabantu abadala. (1 Korinte 13:11) Sukuxelela umntwana iingxaki zakho okanye umenze abe ngunozakuzaku phakathi kwakho nomntu obutshate naye.
Mkhulise kakuhle umntwana wakho. Qhubekani nizenza izinto ezintle ebenithanda ukuzenza, kodwa kubaluleke ngakumbi ukufunda iBhayibhile nokwenza unqulo lwentsapho.
—Duteronomi 6:6-9.
ZAMA OKU: Aph’ evekini khawubaxelele abantwana bakho ukuba uyabathanda, ibe ayingabo ababangele ukuba wahlukane notata okanye umama wabo. Xa bekubuza, yiphendule imibuzo yabo kodwa ungabek’ ityala kutata okanye umama wabo.
Unako ukuqhubeka nobomi nasemva koqhawulo-mtshato. UMelissa owayetshate kangangeminyaka eyi-16 uthi: “Xa ndohlukana nomyeni wam ndandisithi ‘Bendingafuni ubomi bam bube nje.’ ” Kodwa ngoku, uxolile phezu kwayo nje imeko akuyo. Uphinda athi: “Ndaba bhetele mhla ndayamkela into yokuba ndohlukene nomyeni wam.” ▪
^ isiqe. 2 Amanye amagama kweli nqaku atshintshiwe.
^ isiqe. 18 UThixo uluthiyile uqhawulo-mtshato olwenziwe ngobuqhophololo. Kodwa ke, xa elinye iqabane liye lahenyuza, uThixo uyalivumela iqabane elimsulwa ukuba liqhawule umtshato xa lifuna. (Malaki 2:
ZIBUZE . . .
Emva kokuba sahlukene, ngaba ndikhe ndazinika ixesha elaneleyo lokuxola?
Yintoni endinokuyenza ukuze ndiyeke ukumcaphukela lowo benditshate naye?
