XA ISIBINI sixabana, ngaba oko kuthetha ukuba asisathandani? Akunjalo! UFernando noSarah, abacatshulwe ngasentla, bathandana kakhulu. Kodwa, nokuba abantu bonwabile emtshatweni zibakho iingxabano ngamathub’ athile.

Zibangelwa yintoni iingxabano yaye yintoni onokuyenza ukuze zingonakalisi umtshato wakho? Ekubeni umtshato wasekwa nguThixo kufanelekile ukuhlolisisa oko iLizwi lakhe iBhayibhile likuthethayo ngalo mbandela.—Genesis 2:21, 22; 2 Timoti 3:16, 17.

Abantu abaninzi abatshatileyo bebengathanda ukuphathana ngothando nangobubele. Noko ke, iBhayibhile ithi “bonke bonile baza basilela kuzuko lukaThixo.” (Roma 3:23) Ngoko xa kukho ukungavisisani, kusenokuba nzima ukuzibamba. Yaye xa kuqalisa ingxabano, abanye banokukufumanisa kunzima ukuphepha ukungxola nokuthuka. (Roma 7:21; Efese 4:31) Ziziphi ezinye izinto ezinokuvus’ imbambano?

Amadoda nabafazi badla ngokuba neendlela ezahlukileyo zokuthetha. UMichiko uthi: “Xa sasisandul’ ukutshata, ndafumanisa ukuba asizicombululi ngendlela efanayo iingxaki. Andithandi kuthetha ngoko kwenzekileyo kuphela kodwa ndifuna isizathu nendlela okwenzeke ngayo. Umyeni wam yena akafuni zinkcukacha.”

Ingxaki kaMichiko iqhelekile. Kwimitshato emininzi, elinye iqabane lisenokufuna ukukuxubusha ngokweenkcukacha ukungavisisani kwabo, ngoxa elinye lingathandi ukuba kuthethwa ngako. Maxa wambi, okukhona elinye iqabane lifuna kuthethwe, kokukhona elinye lingafuni. Ngaba ukuphawule oku emtshatweni wakho? Ngaba omnye wenu udla ngokufuna kuthethwe ngengxaki ekhoyo ngoxa omnye engafuni?

Enye into emelwe ikhunjulwe kukuba   indlela umntu akhuliswe ngayo inokuyichaphazela indlela aqhubana ngayo neqabane lakhe lomtshato. UJustin, osele eneminyaka emihlanu etshatile, uthi: “Ndikhulele kwintsapho ethuleyo yaye ndikufumanisa kunzima ukuthetha ngeemvakalelo zam. Oku kuyamcaphukisa umfazi wam. Intsapho yakowabo ikhululekile, yaye akunzimanga ngaye ukuchaza iimvakalelo zakhe.”

Abaphengululi bathi xa izibini zihlala zixelelana ukuba ziyathandana oko akuthethi ukuba zonwabile emtshatweni. Ukuba neentlobano zesini nemali eyaneleyo nako akuyiyo eyona nto ibalulekileyo. Kunoko, eyona nto ibalulekileyo ukuze umtshato uphumelele yindlela indoda nomfazi abazicombulula ngayo iingxaki.

Ngaphezu koko uYesu wathi, xa isibini sitshata, nguThixo osimanyayo kungekhona umntu. (Mateyu 19:4-6) Ngoko ke, umtshato omanyeneyo uzukisa uThixo. Kwelinye icala, ukuba indoda ayimthandi umfazi wayo yaye ayinalwazelelelo ngaye, uYehova uThixo usenokungayiphulaphuli imithandazo yayo. (1 Petros 3:7) Xa umfazi engayihloneli indoda yakhe, eneneni akahloneli uYehova, omisele indoda njengentloko-ntsapho.—1 Korinte 11:3.

Enoba injani na indlela okhuliswe ngayo, umele uwaphephe amazwi ahlabayo xa usebenzisa imigaqo yeBhayibhile naxa ufuna ukucombulula iingxaki kakuhle. Zibuze le mibuzo ilandelayo:

‘Ngaba ndiyazibamba ndingaphindezeli?’

IBhayibhile ithi: “Ukucudisa impumlo kuvelisa igazi, yaye ukucudisa umsindo kuvelisa ingxabano.” (IMizekeliso 30:33) Kuthetha ukuthini oku? Cinga ngalo mzekelo. Ingxabano ebiqale ngokungaboni ngasonye ekusebenziseni imali yentsapho (njengokuthi “kufuneka sinciphise ekuthengeni”) inokuphumela ekuhlaseleni iqabane lakho (njengokuthi “uyasafaza nje”). Enyanisweni, xa iqabane lakho ‘licudisa impumlo yakho’ ngokukuhlasela, usenokufuna ‘ukulicudisa’ nawe. Kodwa ke, ukuziphindezelela kunokukhokelela kumsindo ize ingapheli ingxabano.

Umbhali weBhayibhile uYakobi walumkisa wathi: “Khangelani! Hayi indlela omncinane ngayo umlilo ofunekayo ukutshisa ihlathi elikhulu gqitha! Kaloku, ulwimi lungumlilo.” (Yakobi 3:5, 6) Xa amaqabane omtshato engakwazi ukulubamba ulwimi, ukungavisisani okungenamsebenzi kunokukhokelela kwingxabano enkulu. Yaye xa abantu behlala beneengxabano ezishushu ngolo hlobo emtshatweni, kunzima ukuba uthando lwabo lukhule.

Kunokuba uziphindezelele, ngaba unokuxelisa uYesu, ‘ongazange aphindise atshabhise’ xa etshabhiswa? (1 Petros 2:23) Eyona ndlela ilula yokuphelisa ingxabano kukuzama ukuqonda iimvakalelo zeqabane lakho, uze ucele uxolo ngegalelo obe nalo kule ngxabano.

‘Ngaba ndizijongela phantsi iimvakalelo zeqabane lam?’

ILizwi likaThixo lithi: “Cingani nto-nye nonke, nivelane.” (1 Petros 3:8) Khawucinge ngezizathu ezibini ezinokukubangela ungalisebenzisi eli cebiso. Esinye sikukuba usenokungayiqondi indlela elivakalelwa ngayo iqabane lakho. Ngokomzekelo, ukuba iqabane lakho lixhalatyiswe yinto wena oyibona ingenamsebenzi, unokuthi kulo, “Uzithathela phezulu izinto.”  Usenokuba ukuthetha oku ngenjongo yokulinceda iqabane lakho lizibone ngenye indlela izinto. Kodwa ke, ukuthetha ngolo hlobo kusenokungancedi nganto. Amadoda nabafazi bafuna ukwazi ukuba amaqabane abo ayabaqonda yaye ayabavela.

Kwakhona ukuba nekratshi kunokubangela ubani azijongele phantsi iimvakalelo zeqabane lakhe. Umntu onekratshi uyaziphakamisa ngokuthi abasingele phantsi abanye. Unokwenjenjalo ngokuthuka abanye okanye abathelekise nabanye. Cinga ngomzekelo wabaFarisi nababhali bomhla kaYesu. Xa nabani na—nokuba ngumFarisi—wayenoluvo olwahlukileyo kolwabo, babemthuka baze bamnyembe. (Yohane 7:45-52) UYesu wayahlukile. Wayevelana nabanye xa bechaza iimvakalelo zabo kuye.—Mateyu 20:29-34; Marko 5:25-34.

Cinga ngendlela ovakalelwa ngayo xa iqabane lakho lichaza iimvakalelo zalo. Ngaba indlela othetha ngayo, nembonakalo yobuso ibonisa ukuba unovelwano? Okanye ngaba uzibetha ngoyaba iimvakalelo zeqabane lakho?

‘Ngaba ndisoloko ndivakalelwa kukuba iqabane lam licingela isiqu salo kuphela?’

“UYobhi umoyikela ilize na uThixo? Ngaba wena akumbiyelanga yena nendlu yakhe nayo yonke into anayo macala onke?” (Yobhi 1:9, 10) Ngaloo mazwi, uSathana watyhola uYobhi esithi ukhonza uThixo ngenjongo engafanelekanga.

Ukuba amaqabane omtshato akalumkanga nawo anokutyholana. Ngokomzekelo, ukuba iqabane lakho likwenzela into entle, ngaba uyazibuza ngoko likufunayo okanye lizama ukukufihla? Xa iqabane lakho lisenza impazamo, ngaba ugqiba ngelithi kukho okuphosakeleyo ngalo? Ngaba ukhawuleza ukhumbule nezinye iimpazamo ezifanayo eliye lazenza ngaphambili?

Umpostile uPawulos wabhala: “Uthando . . . alunanzondo.” (1 Korinte 13:4, 5) Uthando lokwenene alumfamekanga, yaye alunanzondo. Kwakhona uPawulos wathi uthando “lukholelwa izinto zonke.” (1 Korinte 13:7) Umntu onolu hlobo lothando akangovuma-zonke, kodwa uyabathemba abanye. Akabakrokreli. IBhayibhile ikhuthaza ukuba umntu onothando ufanele akulungele ukuxolela, aze angabacingeli kakubi abanye. (INdumiso 86:5; Efese 4:32) Xa amaqabane ebonakalisa olu hlobo lothando, aya konwaba emtshatweni.