Amazwi abonisa umbulelo abalulekile ukuze umtshato uphumelele. Abayeni namakhosikazi amaninzi ayayeka ukuphawula izinto ezintle ezenziwa ngamaqabane awo, ibe akafane awancome nokuwancoma. Kwincwadi yakhe ethi, Emotional Infidelity, omnye umcebisi uthi abantu abatshatileyo abaninzi abeza kum “bakhalazela izinto ezingenziwayo ngabantu abatshate nabo kunokuba bancome ezo bazenzileyo. Beza kum kuba befuna ukundixelela izinto abafuna zitshintshe kunezo bathanda zingatshintshi. Impazamo eyenziwa ngaba bantu xa bebonke kukuba abanambulelo kubantu abatshate nabo.”

Wena nomntu otshate naye ningawulumkela njani lo mkhwa?

Amazwi ombulelo anokuzinciphisa iingxaki zomtshato. Xa indoda nomfazi beziphawula baze bazincome izinto ezintle abenzelana zona, umtshato wabo uyomelela. Zinokuba mbalwa izinto ezinokubenza bangavani xa omnye embulela omnye.

Abafazi. Incwadi ekuthethwe ngayo ngasentla ethi Emotional Infidelity ithi, “Amabhinqa amaninzi akusingela phantsi ukusebenza nzima kwamadoda ukuze ondle iintsapho zawo.” Kwezinye iindawo, loo ngxaki ibakho naxa kusebenza umfazi nendoda.

Amadoda. Amadoda adla ngokuyidelela imizamo yabafazi bawo yokunyamekela intsapho enoba kungokusebenza, ukukhulisa abantwana okanye ukwenza imisebenzi yekhaya. UFiona, * oneminyaka emalunga nemithathu etshatile uthi: “Sonke siyazenza iimpazamo, ibe xa mna ndiphazamile, ndiyakhathazeka. Xa umyeni wam endincoma, ngokomzekelo ngento endiyenzileyo ekhaya, ndiye ndiqonde ukuba usandithanda nangona ndineempazamo. Ndiye ndibone ukuba uyandixhasa ndize ndivuye!”

Ngokwahlukileyo koko, xa umntu otshate naye ebona ngathi akakhathalelwanga, loo nto inokwenza ningathembani emtshatweni. Umfazi onguValerie uthi: “Xa unganconywa ngumntu otshate naye, kungalula ukutsaleleka kumntu okuncomayo.”

Yiba neliso elibukhali. Kwiveki ezayo, phawula iimpawu ezintle umntu otshate naye azibonisayo. Kwakhona, khangela izinto azenzayo ukuze kuhlale kumnandi ekhaya, mhlawumbi izinto obukade ungenamsebenzi nazo. Ekupheleni kweveki, bhala phantsi (1) iimpawu ozithandayo kumntu otshate naye (2) nezinto ezintle azenzele intsapho.—Umgaqo weBhayibhile: Filipi 4:8.

Kutheni kubalulekile ukuba neliso elibukhali? Umfazi onguErika uthi: “Emva kokuba kudlule iminyaka embalwa nitshatile, usenokuqalisa ukuzijonga njee izinto ezintle ezenziwa ngumntu otshate naye. Uyayeka ukuziphawula izinto ezintle azenzayo uze ubone angazenziyo.”

Zibuze: ‘Ngaba ndiyijonga njee indlela asebenza nzima ngayo umntu enditshate naye?’ Ngokomzekelo, ukuba umyeni wakho ulungisa izinto ezonakeleyo ekhaya, ngaba awumbuleli ngenxa yokuba usithi ngumsebenzi wakhe kakade lowo? Ukuba uyindoda, ngaba awumncomi umfazi wakho ngokukhulisa umntwana kuba usithi yinto afanele ayenze kakade leyo? Zimisele ukuziphawula zonke izinto ezintle umfazi okanye umyeni wakho azenzele intsapho yenu, uze umbulele ngazo, enoba zinkulu okanye zincinci.—Umgaqo weBhayibhile: Roma 12:10.

Ncoma. IBhayibhile ayithi masibulele nje kuphela kodwa ithi: “Hlalani ninombulelo.” (Kolose 3:15) Ngoko khawuziqhelise ukumbulela umntu otshate naye. Indoda enguJames ithi, “Xa umfazi wam endincoma ngezinto endizenzileyo, loo nto indenza ndisebenze nzima ukuze ndibe ngumyeni othandekayo nokuze sonwabe emtshatweni wethu.”—Umgaqo weBhayibhile: Kolose 4:6.

Amadoda nabafazi abasoloko bencomana bayabuqinisa ubuhlobo. Indoda enguMichael ithi: “Ndicinga ukuba imitshato emininzi ibingenakuphela ukuba abantu bebehlala becinga ngezinto abazithandayo kubantu abatshate nabo. Xa kuvela ingxaki, bebengayi kucinga ngokuphelisa umtshato ngenxa yokuba bahlala bekhumbula izinto ezintle abenzelana zona.”