Ibibazo byihariye imiryango ifite abana badahuje ababyeyi ihura na byo

● Dogiteri Patricia Papernow, impuguke mu birebana n’imiryango ifite abana badahuje ababyeyi, yavuze ko gukemura ibibazo iyo miryango ihura na byo ushingiye ku bibera mu miryango isanzwe, byaba ari nko “gutembera mu mihanda yo mu mugi wa New York wifashishije ikarita y’umugi wa Boston.”

Mu by’ukuri, ibibazo iyo miryango ihura na byo birihariye, kandi biba ari isobe kurusha ibyo mu miryango isanzwe. William Merkel, umuhanga mu by’imitekerereze n’imyifatire y’abantu, yavuze ko imibanire y’abagize imiryango ifite abana badahuje ababyeyi, ari yo “mibanire idasanzwe, igoye kandi ibamo ibibazo by’isobe.”

None se niba iyo miryango ihura n’ibibazo bikomeye bityo, abayigize bakora iki ngo babane neza? Imibanire y’abagize iyo miryango yagereranywa n’uruteranyirizo rw’ibice bibiri by’igitambaro. Iyo bagitera inzira, uruteranyirizo ruba rworoshye. Ariko iyo barangije guteranya ibyo bice byombi by’igitambaro, bakadoda neza mu ruteranyirizo, usanga rukomeye nk’icyo gitambaro.

Reka dusuzume bimwe mu bibazo imiryango ifite abana badahuje ababyeyi ikunze guhura na byo, n’icyafashije abayigize kunga ubumwe, nk’uko bimeze kuri bya bice bibiri by’igitambaro. Hanyuma turi burebe ibyavuzwe n’imiryango ine ifite abana badahuje ababyeyi yagize icyo igeraho.

IKIBAZO CYA 1: KUTABONA IBYO WARI WITEZE

“Nari niteze ko ninkunda abana b’umugabo wanjye kandi nkabitaho, bari kuzanyemera. Ariko na n’ubu ntibaranyemera, nubwo hashize imyaka umunani tubana.”—Gloria. *

AKENSHI iyo abantu bashakanye basanzwe bafite abana, baba biteze ibyiza byinshi. Baba bizeye ko batazongera gukora amakosa bakoze mu ishyingiranwa rya mbere cyangwa ko bazayakosora, kandi ko bazabona urukundo n’umutekano bari barabuze. Nubwo bimwe mu byo baba biteze biba ari inzozi, iyo batabibonye birabahangayikisha cyane. Nk’uko Bibiliya ibivuga, “gukomeza kwitega ikintu ariko ntukibone bitera umutima kurwara” (Imigani 13:12, Beck). Byagenda bite se mu gihe utabonye ibyo wari witeze, maze bikagutera agahinda?

ICYO WAKORA

Ntugapfukirane ibyiyumvo byawe, wibwira ko ari bwo agahinda kazashira. Aho kubigenza utyo, ujye ugerageza gutahura ibintu bikubuza amahwemo, bitewe n’uko wari ubyiteze ntubibone. Hanyuma tahura impamvu wari ubyiteze, kugira ngo umenye impamvu ukibitsimbarayeho. Noneho shaka ikindi kintu gishyize mu gaciro wakwitega. Dore ingero zimwe na zimwe:

1. Nzahita nkunda abana b’uwo twashakanye na bo bankunde.

Kuki ubyumva utyo? Kuva kera nifuzaga kuba mu muryango ugira urugwiro kandi wunze ubumwe.

Ikintu gishyize mu gaciro wakwitega: Urukundo mukundana ruzagenda rwiyongera. Icy’ingenzi ni uko mu muryango wanyu mwakumva mufite amahoro kandi mukubahana.

2. Buri wese mu bagize umuryango mushya azahita amenyera.

Kuki ubyumva utyo? Twese twiteguye gutangira ubuzima bushya.

Ikintu gishyize mu gaciro wakwitega: Akenshi kugira ngo imiryango ifite abana badahuje ababyeyi imenyerane, biyifata hagati y’imyaka ine n’irindwi. Ubwo rero, ibibazo muhura na byo ni ibisanzwe.

3. Ntituzapfa amafaranga.

Kuki ubyumva utyo? Urukundo dukundana ntirwatuma dupfa ubusa.

Ikintu gishyize mu gaciro wakwitega: Uko mwakoreshaga amafaranga mu miryango mwahozemo, biratandukanye. Ku bw’ibyo, kuvanga umutungo bishobora kubanza kubagora.

IKIBAZO CYA 2: KWISHYIRA MU MWANYA W’ABANDI

“Twamenyeranye vuba. Buri wese mu bagize umuryango wacu mushya yahise yumva yisanzuye.”—Yoshito.

“Kugira ngo numve ko ngomba kugira uruhare mu gutuma umuryango wacu mushya ugira icyo ugeraho, byantwaye imyaka igera ku icumi.”—Tatsuki, umuhungu w’umugore wa Yoshito.

KIMWE na Yoshito na Tatsuki, hari igihe abagize imiryango ifite abana badahuje ababyeyi baba batazi ko ibitekerezo byabo bitandukanye. Kuki icyo kibazo kigomba kwitabwaho? Iyo ibibazo bivutse, ushobora kumva wifuza guhita ubikemura. Ariko niba wifuza kubikemura neza, ugomba kubanza gusobanukirwa neza uko abagize umuryango wawe babona ibintu.

Gusuzuma uko ushyikirana n’abandi ni iby’ingenzi, kuko amagambo ashobora gusenya no kubaka. Nk’uko Bibiliya ibivuga, “urupfu n’ubuzima byombi biri mu maboko y’ururimi” (Imigani 18:21). Wakoresha ute ururimi rwawe kugira ngo wiyumvishe uko abagize umuryango wawe bamerewe, aho kubima amatwi?

ICYO WAKORA

• Jya wita ku byiyumvo by’abandi kandi wishyire mu mwanya wabo, aho kubakeka amababa. Urugero:

Niba umwana wawe akubwiye ati “nkumbuye papa,” jya wemera ko amukumbuye. Aho kumubwira uti “ariko papa ufite ubu aragukunda, kandi ni mwiza kurusha so wakubyaye,” gerageza kumubwira uti “bigomba kuba bitakoroheye. None se ni iki gituma umukumbura?”

Aho kubwira uwo mwashakanye ubu uti “iyo uza kurera umwana wawe neza, ntaba ashira isoni,” mubwire ikikubabaje. Gerageza kumubwira uti “ese wazambwiriye Luke akajya ansuhuza mu gihe ageze mu rugo? Rwose byamfasha.”

• Mujye mufatira amafunguro hamwe, mwidagadurire hamwe kandi mukorere hamwe ibikorwa bya gikristo kugira ngo murusheho kumenyana.

• Mujye mugira inama y’umuryango buri gihe, kandi buri wese ayizemo. Mujye mureka buri wese avuge yisanzuye nta wumuca mu ijambo, atangirire ku byiza ashimira umuryango, hanyuma avuge ikimuhangayikishije. Nubwo mwaba mutemeranya na we, mujye mugaragaza ko mwubahana, mureke ubishaka wese atange umuti w’ikibazo gihari.

IKIBAZO CYA 3: KUGIRA URUHARE MU BIBERA MU MURYANGO

“Umugore wanjye n’abana be baragenda bakaganira ku bibazo byabo mu ibanga, barangiza bakamviraho inda imwe. Wagira ngo ndi rubanda cyangwa umunyamahanga muri uru rugo.”—Walt.

IYO umuntu afashwe nka rubanda mu muryango we, bishobora guteza ibibazo byinshi bisa n’aho bidafite aho bihuriye. Urugero:

• Abana bashobora kuba babanye neza na fiyansi w’umubyeyi wabo, ariko bamara kubana, abo bana bagatangira guhangana na we.

• Umubyeyi ashobora kugirira ishyari umwana w’imyaka itandatu w’uwo bashakanye.

• Abagize umuryango bagira batya bagatongana kandi bapfuye ubusa.

Ibyo bibazo bigira ingaruka no ku mubyeyi wabyaye abana, kubera ko iyo umuryango mushya utunze ubumwe bimuhangayikisha. Carmen yaravuze ati “kuba umuhuza hagati y’umugabo wanjye n’abana banjye babiri birangora cyane.”

Hari ihame rya Bibiliya ryadufasha guhangana n’icyo kibazo. Yesu yaravuze ati “ibintu byose mushaka ko abantu babagirira, ni byo namwe mugomba kubagirira” (Matayo 7:12). None se abagize imiryango irimo abana badahuje ababyeyi, bakora iki ngo bafashe buri wese kugira uruhare mu bibera mu muryango?

ICYO WAKORA

• Jya wumva ko uwo mwashakanye ari we uza mu mwanya wa mbere (Intangiriro 2:24). Jya umarana na we igihe, kandi ukore uko ushoboye kugira ngo abana bawe babone ko ari we uza mu mwanya wa mbere. Urugero, mbere y’uko ababyeyi b’abagabo bashaka, bashobora kubwira abana babo bati “nkunda Anna kandi azambera umugore. Nizeye ko muzamwubaha.”

• Jya ugenera buri mwana igihe. Nubigenza utyo uzaba ugaragaje ko ubaha agaciro kandi bizabagaragariza ko ubakunda.

• Nanone jya umarana igihe n’abana b’uwo mwashakanye. Ibyo bizatuma mugirana ubucuti aho kugira ngo mujye muhura ari uko uwababyaye ahari, nk’aho ari umusifuzi.

• Nubwo abana bari mu muryango mushya, ujye ubareka bakomeze gushyikirana na bene wabo bo mu muryango wabo wa mbere. Byaba byiza udahatiye abana bawe guhamagara uwo mwashakanye bavuga ngo “mama” cyangwa “papa.” Mu mizo ya mbere, abana bakuze bashobora kumva bitabazamo kuvuga ngo “mu muryango wacu” cyangwa “iwacu,” berekeza kuri uwo muryango urimo abana badahuje ababyeyi.

• Jya uha buri mwana imirimo yo mu rugo, agire umwanya yicaramo ku meza kandi agire icyumba cye. Ibyo wagombye kubikorera n’abana bataba mu rugo buri gihe.

• Mushobora kureba niba mwakwimukira mu yindi nzu cyangwa mukagira ibyo muhindura ku yo mwari musanganywe, kugira ngo abaje muri uwo muryango baze bisanga.

IKIBAZO CYA 4: GUHANA ABANA

“Iyo mpannye abana ba Carmen, aho kunshyigikira arabahoza.”—Pablo.

“Iyo Pablo ashihuye abana banjye, ndababara cyane.”—Carmen.

NI IKI gituma kurera abana biteza amakimbirane mu muryango ufite abana badahuje ababyeyi? Igihe abo bana babanaga n’umubyeyi umwe gusa, bashobora kuba bararerwaga bajeyi. Iyo uwo mubyeyi ashatse, abana be bashobora kutisanzura ku wo bashakanye. Ibyo bigira izihe ngaruka? Uwaje asanga abo bana ashobora kumva ko uwababyaye abadebekera, naho uwababyaye akumva ko uwo bashakanye amutotereza abana.

Bibiliya itera ababyeyi inkunga yo gushyira mu gaciro mu gihe barera abana babo. Igira iti “ntimukarakaze abana banyu, ahubwo mukomeze kubarera mubahana nk’uko Yehova [Imana] ashaka, kandi mubatoza kugira imitekerereze nk’iye” (Abefeso 6:4). Uyu murongo wumvikanisha cyane cyane igitekerezo cyo kugorora imitekerereze y’umwana, aho kumuhozaho ijisho ureba uko yitwara gusa. Nanone utera ababyeyi inkunga yo kugaragariza abana babo ineza n’urukundo, kugira ngo igihano babahaye kidatuma baba abarakare.

ICYO WAKORA

• Shyiriraho umuryango wawe amategeko, uhereye ku yo musanganywe. Kugira ngo twiyumvishe akamaro k’ayo mategeko, reka dufate urugero rukurikira:

Muka se wa Jennifer: Jenny, umenye ko hano nta muntu wohereza ubutumwa bwo kuri telefoni atararangiza umukoro.

Jennifer: Uranshakaho iki se? Warambyaye?

Muka se: Ibyo ndabyumva rwose! Ariko wibuke ko iri joro ari jye wita ku bibera muri uru rugo, kandi tukaba dufite itegeko ry’uko nta muntu wohereza ubutumwa bwo kuri telefoni atararangiza umukoro.

• Ujye wirinda gushyiraho amategeko y’urudaca no guhora uhinduranya ibintu abagize umuryango bari bamenyereye. Umubyeyi ashobora gusaba umwana atabyaye gukora ikintu yumva ko cyoroheje, ariko kikaremerera umwana uba wumva ko ubuzima bwe bwose bwahindutse. Birumvikana ko hari amategeko mashya ashobora kuba ari ay’ingenzi cyane, urugero nk’afitanye isano n’ubuzima bwite bw’abagize umuryango n’arebana n’imyambarire, cyane cyane mu gihe umuryango urimo abana bakuze.

• Niba hari icyo mutumvikanaho ku birebana no guhana abana, mujye mukiganiraho mwiherereye, aho kukiganirira imbere yabo. Mujye mwibanda ku makosa abana bakoze, aho kwibanda ku cyo mwumva ko ari uburere buke baba barahawe mbere yaho.

[Ibisobanuro ahagana hasi ku ipaji]

 [Ifoto yo ku ipaji ya 3]

Ubumwe bw’imiryango ifite abana badahuje ababyeyi bushobora gusa n’aho ari inzozi

 [Ifoto yo ku ipaji ya 4]

Ujye utega abandi amatwi witonze, kugira ngo umenye ibyiyumvo byabo kandi usobanukirwe ibibahangayikishije

 [Ifoto yo ku ipaji ya 6]

Niba hari icyo ababyeyi batumvikanaho, bagombye kugikemura biherereye