KODI mukuganiza kuti ndi mavuto otani amene banjali likufunika kuthetsa? Mwachidziwikire, bamboyu amalephera kulamulira mkwiyo wake. Komanso zikuoneka kuti banjali likulephera kugwirizana chimodzi pa za ufulu umene liyenera kupereka kwa ana awo. Ndiponso zikuoneka kuti anthuwa sukumvetsetsana.

Palibe banja langwiro. Motero anthu onse okwatirana amakumana ndi mavuto osiyanasiyana. Choncho m’pofunika kuti mwamuna ndi mkazi wake aphunzire kuthetsa mavuto a m’banja, kaya mavutowo ndi aakulu kapena aang’ono. N’chifukwa chiyani tikunena choncho?

Mavuto akapanda kuthetsedwa mwamsanga, akhoza kuchititsa kuti okwatiranawo asamalankhulane. Mfumu yanzeru Solomo inalemba kuti: “Makangano akunga mipiringidzo ya linga.” (Miyambo 18:19) Kodi mungatani kuti muzilankhulana bwino m’banja mwanu mukakhala mavuto?

Monga mmene mtima ndiponso mapapo amathandizira kuti magazi agwire bwino ntchito yake m’thupi, chikondi ndiponso ulemu n’zofunika kwambiri kuti anthu okwatirana azilankhulana bwino m’banja. (Aefeso 5:33) Kuti athetse mavuto, okwatirana ayenera kukhala ndi chikondi, chimene chingawathandize kuti aiwale mavuto alionse akale ndi kuyesetsa kupeza njira yothetsera vuto limene ali nalo panopo. (1 Akorinto 13:4, 5; 1 Petulo 4:8) Anthu okwatirana amene amalemekezana amapatsana mpata wolankhula akamakambirana, komanso amakhala ndi chidwi pa zimene winayo akunena ndiponso zimene akutanthauza.

Taganizirani njira zinayi zotsatirazi kuti muone mmene mfundo za m’Baibulo zingakuthandizireni kuti muthetse mavuto mwachikondi ndi mwaulemu.

1. Sankhani nthawi yoti mukambirane vutolo.

“Kanthu kali konse kali ndi nthawi yake . . . mphindi  yakutonthola ndi mphindi yakulankhula.” (Mlaliki 3:1, 7) Monga mmene taonera mu mkangano umene uli koyambirira kwa nkhani ino, mavuto ena angachititse kuti mupsetsane mitima. Pokambirana vuto linalake, mukaona kuti mwayamba kupsetsana mitima, siyani kaye kukambirana nkhaniyo. Kugwiritsa ntchito malangizo a m’Baibulo otsatirawa kungateteze ukwati wanu. “Chiyambi cha ndewu chifanana ndi kutsegulira madzi; tsono kupikisana kusanayambe tasiya makani.”​—Miyambo 17:14.

Komabe, palinso “mphindi yakulankhula.” Mofanana ndi udzu m’munda, mavuto amakula kwambiri mukawalekerera. Choncho musanyalanyaze vutolo poganiza kuti litha lokha. Ngati mwagwirizana kuti musiye kaye nkhaniyo, lemekezani mnzanuyo mwa kusankha nthawi ina yoyenera yoti mukambirane. Kuchita zimenezi kungakuthandizeni nonse kuti mutsatire malangizo a m’Baibulo akuti: “Dzuwa lisalowe muli chikwiyire.” (Aefeso 4:26) Motero, yesetsani kukwaniritsa zimene mwagwirizanazo.

2. Fotokozani maganizo anu mosabisa kanthu ndiponso mwaulemu.

“Aliyense wa inu alankhule zoona kwa mnansi wake.” (Aefeso 4:25) Ngati muli pabanja, mnzanu weniweni wapamtima ndi mkazi wanu kapena mwamuna wanuyo. Motero m’fotokozereni mosabisa kanthu mmene mukumvera. Mwachitsanzo, mayi wina dzina lake Margareta, * amene wakhala pabanja zaka 26, anati: “Nditangokwatiwa kumene, ndinkaganiza kuti mwamuna wanga azidziwa yekha mmene ndikumvera pakakhala vuto linalake. Komano ndinazindikira kuti zimenezo n’zosatheka. Moti masiku ano ndimayesetsa kunena mosabisa maganizo anga komanso mmene ndikumvera.”

Kumbukirani kuti cholinga chanu pokambirana vutolo si kugonjetsa mnzanuyo ngati mdani wanu, koma kuti adziwe maganizo anu. Kuti muthe kuchita zimenezi bwino, fotokozani chimene mukuona kuti ndi vuto, ndiyeno nenani nthawi imene vutolo limachitika, kenako longosolani mmene vutolo limakukhudzirani. Mwachitsanzo, ngati simusangalala chifukwa choti mnzanuyo ndi wauve, mukhoza kunena mwaulemu kuti: ‘Mukafika kuchokera ku ntchito n’kungosiya zovala zanu pansi [nthawi ndiponso chimene chili vuto], ndimaona kuti ntchito imene ndagwira yosamalira m’nyumba muno siikuyamikiridwa [kufotokoza mmene mukumvera].’ Ndiyeno nenani mosamala njira imene mukuganiza kuti ingathetse vutolo.

3. Mvetserani ndiponso zindikirani mmene mnzanuyo akumvera.

Wophunzira Yakobe analemba kuti Mkhristu aliyense ayenera kukhala “wofulumira kumva, wodekha polankhula, wosafulumira kukwiya.” (Yakobe 1:19) Kukhala ndi maganizo oti mwamuna kapena mkazi wanuyo sakumvetsani ndi vuto lalikulu kwambiri limene limachititsa kuti anthu okwatirana asamasangalale. Choncho, yesetsani kupewa kuchita zinthu zimene zingapangitse mnzanuyo kukhala ndi maganizo amenewa.​—Mateyo 7:12.

Bambo wina dzina lake Wolfgang, yemwe wakhala m’banja zaka 35 anati: “Tikamakambirana vuto linalake, ndimada nkhawa makamaka ndikaona kuti mkazi wanga sakundimvetsetsa.” Ndiponso mayi wina dzina lake Dianna, amene wakhala m’banja zaka 20, anati: “Kawirikawiri ndimadandaula kwa mwamuna wanga kuti samandimvetsetsa tikamakambirana vuto linalake.” Kodi mungatani kuti muthane ndi vuto limeneli?

Musafulumire kuganiza kuti mukudziwa kale zimene zili m’maganizo a mnzanuyo kapena mmene akumvera. Mawu a Mulungu amati: “Kudzikuza kupikisanitsa; koma omwe anauzidwa  uphungu ali ndi nzeru.” (Miyambo 13:10) Mungasonyeze ulemu kwa mnzanuyo mwa kum’patsa mpata wofotokoza maganizo ake popanda kum’dula pakamwa. Ndiyeno kuti mutsimikizire kuti mwamvetsetsa zimene wanena, bwerezani mwachidule zimene wanenazo, koma musanene monyoza kapena mokwiya. Muloleni mnzanuyo kuti akonze pamene munamva molakwika. Ndipo musamangolankhula nokha, koma mudzipatsana mpata wolankhula mpaka mutamvetsetsana.

N’zoona kuti pamafunika kudzichepetsa ndiponso kudekha kuti mumvetsere mwachidwi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu akamafotokoza maganizo ake. Koma inuyo mukayamba kupereka ulemu kwa mnzanuyo, nayenso amakhala wofunitsitsa kukupatsani ulemu.​—Mateyo 7:2; Aroma 12:10.

4. Gwirizanani njira yothetsera vutolo.

“Awiri aposa mmodzi; pakuti ali ndi mphotho yabwino m’ntchito zawo. Pakuti akagwa, wina adzautsa mnzake.” (Mlaliki 4:9, 10) Anthu okwatirana sangathetse mavuto awo ngati sakugwirizana ndiponso kuthandizana.

N’zoona kuti Yehova anasankha mwamuna kukhala mutu wa banja. (1 Akorinto 11:3; Aefeso 5:23) Koma kukhala mutu wa banja sikutanthauza kupondereza mkazi. Mwamuna wanzeru sangasankhe zinthu zokhudza banjalo asanakambirane ndi mkazi wake. Bambo wina dzina lake David, yemwe wakhala m’banja zaka 20, anati: “Ndimayesetsa kupeza mfundo yoti ndigwirizane ndi mkazi wanga ndiponso kusankha zinthu zimene tonse tingagwirizane.” Ndipo mayi wina dzina lake Tanya, yemwe wakhala m’banja zaka 7, anati: “Nkhani si yoti wolakwa ndani. Nthawi zina mumangokhala kuti muli ndi maganizo osiyana a mmene mungathetsere vuto. Ndipo ndaona kuti kukhala wololera ndiponso woganiza bwino ndi njira yothandiza kwambiri.”

Yesu anayerekezera ukwati ndi goli. (Mateyo 19:6) M’masiku a Yesu, goli linkakhala mtengo umene anali kuumangirira ku nyama ziwiri n’cholinga choti zigwirire ntchito pamodzi. Ngati nyamazo sizinali kugwirizana, zinkalephera kugwira bwino ntchito ndipo zinkapalika m’khosi komanso kumva kupweteka chifukwa cha golilo. Koma zikamagwirizana, zinkanyamula mosavuta katundu wolemera kwambiri ngakhale kulima kumene.

N’chimodzimodzinso mwamuna ndi mkazi. Iwo amavutika ngati akulephera kuchitira zinthu limodzi ali m’goli la ukwati. Koma akamachitira zinthu pamodzi, amathana pafupifupi ndi vuto lina lililonse ndipo zinthu zimawayendera bwino. Bambo wina dzina lake Kalala, yemwe akusangalala kwambiri ndi moyo wa banja, anafotokoza zimenezi mwachidule kuti: “Kwa zaka 25, ine ndi mkazi wanga takhala tikuthetsa mavuto chifukwa chokambirana mosabisa kanthu, kumvetsetsana, kupemphera kwa Yehova kuti atithandize ndiponso kutsatira mfundo za m’Baibulo.” Nanunso mungathe kuchita zimenezi.