Sonyezani Chikondi ndi Ulemu mwa Kulamulira Lilime Lanu

“Yense payekha, yense akonde mkazi wake wa iye yekha, monga adzikonda yekha; ndipo mkaziyo akumbukire kuti aziopa [“akhale ndi ulemu waukulu kwa,” NW] mwamuna.”​—AEFESO 5:33.

1, 2. Kodi ndi funso lofunika liti limene anthu onse apabanja afunika kudzifunsa ndipo n’chifukwa chiyani?

YEREKEZERANI kuti mwalandira mphatso, yokutidwa m’pepala lokongola ndipo palembedwa kuti: “Gwirani Mosamala.” Kodi mungainyamule motani? Mosakayikira, mungachite chilichonse, poteteza mphatsoyo kuti isawonongeke. Nanga bwanji za mphatso ya banja?

² Mkazi wamasiye wachiisrayeli, Naomi, anauza akazi achitsikana, Olipa ndi Rute, kuti: “Yehova [akufupeni ndipo, NW] akuloleni mupeze mpumulo yense m’nyumba ya mwamuna wake.” (Rute 1:3-9) Pofotokoza za mkazi wabwino, Baibulo limati: “Nyumba ndi chuma ndizo cholowa cha atate; koma mkazi wanzeru achokera kwa Yehova.” (Miyambo 19:14) Ngati muli pabanja, mufunika kuona mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu monga mphatso yomwe Mulungu wakupatsani. Kodi mukuisunga motani mphatsoyi?

3. Kodi Paulo anapereka malangizo otani amene amuna ndi akazi angachite bwino kuwatsatira?

³ M’kalata yomwe analembera Akristu oyambirira, mtumwi Paulo anati: “Yense payekha, yense akonde mkazi wake wa iye yekha, monga adzikonda yekha; ndipo mkaziyo akumbukire kuti aziopa [“akhale ndi ulemu waukulu kwa,” NW] mwamuna” wake. (Aefeso 5:33) Taonani mmene amuna ndi akazi angagwiritsire ntchito malangizo amenewa pa kalankhulidwe kawo.

Chenjerani ndi ‘Kanthu Kosalamulirika ndi Kovulaza’

4. Kodi lilime lingalimbikitse kapena kum’pweteka motani munthu?

⁴ Yakobo, mmodzi mwa anthu amene analemba Baibulo, ananena kuti lilime ndi “kanthu kamodzi kosalamulirika ndi kovulaza, kodzala ululu wakupha.” (Yakobo 3:8, NW) Yakobo ankadziwa mfundo yofunika iyi, yakuti: Lilime losalamulirika n’lowononga. Mosakayikira, iye ankadziwa mwambi wa m’Baibulo umene umafananitsa kulankhula mwansontho ndi “kupyoza kwa lupanga.” Komano, mwambi womwewo umanenanso kuti “lilime la anzeru lilamitsa.” (Miyambo 12:18) Zoonadi, mawu angam’khudze kwambiri munthu. Angathe kum’pweteka, kapena kum’limbikitsa. Kodi mawu anu amam’khudza motani mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu? Mutati mum’funse funso limeneli, kodi angayankhe motani?

5, 6. Ndi zinthu ziti zimene zimachititsa kuti ena azivutika kulamulira lilime lawo?

⁵ Ngati m’banja mwanu mwalowa mzimu wolankhulana mawu owawa, n’zotheka kuthetsa vuto limenelo. Komatu, m’pofunika khama.  Chifukwa? Chifukwa chimodzi n’chakuti mufunika kulimbana ndi thupi lopanda ungwiro. Uchimo womwe timabadwa nawo umachititsa kuti zimene timaganizira anthu ena ndiponso mmene timalankhulira nawo zizikhala zolakwika. Yakobo analemba kuti: “Ngati wina sapunthwa pa mawu, ameneyo ndi munthu wangwiro, ndipo akhoza kulamuliranso thupi lake lonse.”​—Yakobo 3:2, NW.

⁶ Kuwonjezera pa kupanda ungwiro kwathu, khalidwe la banja limene munthu anakuliramo lingachititse kuti munthuyo azigwiritsa ntchito lilime lake molakwika. Anthu ena analeredwa m’mabanja omwe makolo anali “osayanjanitsika, . . . osakhoza kudziletsa, aukali.” (2 Timoteo 3:1-3) Kawirikawiri, ana omwe akulira m’mabanja otere, nawonso amadzakhala ndi makhalidwe amenewa akakula. N’zoona kuti kupanda ungwiro kapena kuleredwa molakwika sikungakhale chifukwa chomveka choti munthu azilankhulira zoipa. Komabe, kudziwa zimenezi kumatithandiza kumvetsa chifukwa chimene anthu ena amavutikira kulamulira lilime lawo kuti lisalankhule mawu ovulaza.

‘Lekani Miseche’

7. Kodi Petro ankatanthauza chiyani pamene analangiza Akristu kuti ‘aleke . . . mtundu uliwonse wa miseche’?

⁷ Kaya munthu angamalankhule mawu owawa pa chifukwa chotani, kuchita zimenezi m’banja kungasonyeze kuti iye sakonda ndiponso salemekeza mnzakeyo. M’pake kuti Petro analangiza Akristu kuti ‘aleke . . . mtundu uliwonse wa miseche.’ (1 Petro 2:1, NW) Mawu a Chigiriki omwe anawamasulira kuti “miseche” amatanthauza “mawu achipongwe.” Mawuwa amapereka lingaliro la ‘kulasa munthu ndi mawu.’ Izitu zikusonyeza bwino kwambiri zimene lilime losalamulirika lingachite.

8, 9. Kodi kulankhula mawu achipongwe kungakhale ndi zotsatirapo zotani, ndipo n’chifukwa chiyani mwamuna ndi mkazi wake ayenera kupewa mawu otero?

⁸ Mwina mawu achipongwe sangaoneke oipa kwambiri, koma taganizirani zimene zimachitika mwamuna kapena mkazi akamalankhula mawu oterowo. Munthu akatchula mwamuna kapena mkazi wake kuti wopusa, waulesi, kapena waumbombo zimasonyeza ngati kuti khalidwe lonse la mnzakeyo lingafotokozedwe m’mawu amodzi amenewo, omwenso ndi ochotsa ulemu. Zimenezitu ndi nkhanza kwambiri. Nanga bwanji za mawu okokomeza omwe amatchula zofooka za mnzanuyo? Kodi mawu akuti “Umachedwa nthawi zonse,” kapena akuti “Sundimvera iwe,” siongokokomeza chabe? Mosakayikira, munthu akanenedwa choncho angafune kuyankha modzitchinjiriza. Zikatero, n’zotheka kuti pakhale mkangano waukulu.​—Yakobo 3:5.

⁹ Kulankhula kophatikizapo mawu achipongwe kumayambitsa mavuto m’banja, ndipo izinso zingakhale ndi zotsatirapo zoopsa kwambiri. Lemba la Miyambo 25:24 limati: “Kukhala pa ngondya ya tsindwi kufunika kuposa kukhala m’nyumba ndi mkazi wolongolola.” N’zoona kuti mfundoyi ingagwirenso ntchito ponena za mwamuna wolongolola. M’kupita kwa nthawi, mawu owawa onenedwa ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi angasokoneze banja, mwina kuchititsa mwamuna kapena mkazi kuganiza kuti sakukondedwa, kapena kudziona ngati wosayenera kukondedwa. Mwachionekere, kulamulira lilime n’kofunika kwambiri. Koma kodi tingachite bwanji zimenezi?

‘Lamulirani Lilime’

10. N’chifukwa chiyani kulamulira lilime n’kofunika?

¹⁰ Lemba la Yakobo 3:8, (NW) limati: “Lilime, palibe munthu ndi mmodzi yemwe angathe kuliweta.” Komabe, tiyenera kuyesetsa kulilamulira. “Ngati munthu akudziyesa wopembedza, koma salamulira lilime lake, ndipo akupitiriza kunyenga mtima wake, kupembedza kwa munthu ameneyu n’kopanda pake.” (Yakobo 1:26, NW; 3:2, 3) Izi zikusonyeza kuti nkhani ya mmene mumagwiritsira ntchito lilime lanu ndi yaikulu. Kuwonjezera pa kulimbikitsa kapena kuwononga ubwenzi wanu ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu, kumakhudzanso ubwenzi wanu ndi Yehova Mulungu.​—1 Petro 3:7.

11. Kodi zingatheke bwanji kuti kusiyana maganizo kusakule n’kufika pokhala mkangano waukulu?

¹¹ Ndi bwino kuganizira mmene mumalankhulira ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu. Pakabuka vuto, yesetsani kupewa kukulitsa  kusagwirizana maganizo. Taonani zimene nthawi ina zinachitikira Isake ndi mkazi wake, Rebeka. Nkhaniyi ili pa Genesis 27:46–28:4. Imati: “Anati Rebeka kwa Isake, Ndalema moyo wanga chifukwa cha ana aakazi a Heti: akatenga Yakobo mkazi wa ana aakazi a Heti, onga ana aakazi a m’dziko lino, moyo wanga udzandikhalira ine bwanji?” Palibe chilichonse chosonyeza kuti Isake anayankha mwaukali. M’malo mwake, Isake anauza mwana wawo Yakobo kuti akafune mkazi woopa Mulungu amene mwachionekere sakanachititsa mavuto m’moyo wa Rebeka. Tiyerekeze kuti mwamuna ndi mkazi wake asemphana maganizo. M’malo moimbana mlandu, kutchula pamene pagona vuto kungathandize kuti kusiyana maganizo pang’ono chabe kusakule n’kufika pa mkangano waukulu. Mwachitsanzo, m’malo monena kuti, “Simukhala pakhomo!” bwanji osanena kuti, “Ndimalakalaka mutamakhala pakhomo nthawi zambiri”? M’malo molimbana ndi munthu, ndi bwino kulimbana ndi vutolo. Pewani chizolowezi chofuna kupeza kuti wokhoza ndani ndipo wolakwa ndani. “Tilondole zinthu za mtendere, ndi zinthu zakulimbikitsana wina ndi mnzake,” limatero lemba la Aroma 14:19.

Lekani ‘Kuwawidwa Mtima kwa Njiru, Kupsa Mtima, Ndiponso Mkwiyo’

12. Kuti tilamulire lilime lathu, kodi tiyenera kupempherera chiyani, ndipo n’chifukwa chiyani?

¹² Kulamulira lilime kumafuna zambiri, osati kungokhala wosamala ndi zolankhula ayi. Ndipotu paja timalankhula zimene zili mu mtima mwathu. Yesu anati: “Munthu wabwino atulutsa zabwino m’chuma chokoma cha mtima wake; ndi munthu woipa atulutsa zoipa m’choipa chake: pakuti m’kamwa mwake mungolankhula mwa kuchuluka kwa mtima wake.” (Luka 6:45) Motero, kuti mulamulire lilime, mwina pangafunike kupemphera monga momwe Davide anachitira. Iye anati: “Mundilengere mtima woyera, Mulungu; mukonze mzimu wokhazikika m’kati mwanga.”​—Salmo 51:10.

13. Kodi kuwawidwa mtima kwa njiru, kupsa mtima, ndiponso mkwiyo zingam’chititse motani munthu kulankhula mawu achipongwe?

¹³ Paulo analimbikitsa Aefeso kuti apewe osati kungolankhula mawu owawa kokha komanso maganizo amene amachititsa munthu kulankhula mawu otero. Analemba kuti: “Kuwawidwa mtima konse kwa njiru, kupsa mtima, mkwiyo, kulalata ndiponso mawu achipongwe zichotsedwe mwa inu limodzi ndi zoipa zonse.” (Aefeso 4:31, NW) Onani kuti asanatchule “kulalata ndiponso mawu achipongwe,” Paulo anatchula za “kuwawidwa mtima . . . kwa njiru, kupsa mtima, [ndiponso] mkwiyo.” Mtima wa munthu ukadzala ndi mkwiyo, amatha kulankhula mawu opweteka. Motero dzifunseni kuti: ‘Kodi ndimasunga udani ndi mkwiyo mu mtima mwanga? Kodi ndine munthu “waukali”?’ (Miyambo 29:22) Ngati umu ndi mmene mulili, pemphani thandizo la Mulungu kuti muthetse chizolowezi chimenechi ndi kukhala woleza mtima, kuti muzitha kubweza mkwiyo. Lemba la Salmo 4:4 limati: “Chitani chinthenthe [“kwiyani,” NW], ndipo musachimwe: Nenani mumtima mwanu pakama panu, ndipo mukhale chete.” Ngati mukuona kuti mupsa mtima ndipo mukuopa kuti zikuvutani kudziletsa, tsatirani malangizo a pa Miyambo 17:14, akuti: “Kupikisana kusanayambe tasiya makani.” Siyani kaye nkhaniyo mpaka zinthu zitakhalanso bwino.

14. Kodi kusungirana zakukhosi kungasokoneze motani banja?

¹⁴ Kuthana ndi mkwiyo ndi kupsa mtima n’kovuta, makamaka ngati zikuchitika chifukwa cha zimene Paulo anatchula kuti “kuwawidwa mtima . . . kwa njiru.” Anthu amati, mawu a Chigiriki amene Paulo anagwiritsa ntchito palembali amatanthauza “mtima wosungirana zakukhosi komanso wosafuna kugwirizananso ndi munthu” ndiponso ‘mtima wanjiru wosungirana zolakwa.’ Nthawi zina udani ungakhale ngati khoma pakati pa mwamuna ndi mkazi wake, ndipo vutoli lingathe kukhalapo kwa nthawi yaitali. Ngati vuto lina silinathetsedwe bwinobwino, anthu akhoza kufika posiya kumverana chisoni. Komatu kusungirana zakukhosi chifukwa cha zimene munthu analakwa kale n’kopanda phindu. N’zosatheka kusintha zinthu zimene zinachitika kale. Munthu akakhululukira mnzake cholakwa chake, afunika kuiwala cholakwacho. Chikondi “sichisunga zifukwa.”​—1 Akorinto 13:4, 5, NW.

15. Kodi n’chiyani chingathandize anthu amene anazolowera kulankhula mokhadzula kusintha kalankhulidwe kawo?

 ¹⁵ Nanga bwanji ngati m’banja lomwe munakuliramo anthu ankakonda kulankhula mokhadzula ndipo inu munazolowera kulankhula motero? N’zotheka kusintha kalankhulidwe kanu. Munadziikira kale malire pa zinthu zosiyanasiyana m’moyo wanu ndipo simungalole kuchita zinthu mosiyana ndi zomwe munakonzazo. Kodi mungasankhe kuti malire anu akhale pati pankhani ya kalankhulidwe? Kodi mungasiye kulankhula, musanafike poyamba kulankhula mawu achipongwe? Mungathe kutengera malire omwe ali pa Aefeso 4:29, akuti: “Nkhani yonse yovunda isatuluke m’kamwa mwanu.” Kuti muchite zimenezi mumafunika ‘kuvula umunthu wakale pamodzi ndi ntchito zake, ndi kuvala umunthu watsopano, umene kudzera mwa kudziwa zinthu molondola umakhalitsidwa watsopano, kukhala wogwirizana ndi chifaniziro cha Iye amene anaulenga.’​—Akolose 3:9, 10, NW.

“Upo” N’ngofunika Kwambiri

16. N’chifukwa chiyani kusiya kulankhulana kumawononga banja?

¹⁶ Ngati munthu wakonza zosiya kulankhula ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wake, sikuti zimapindulitsa kwenikweni ndipo zingathe kungosokoneza banja. Si nthawi zonse pamene munthu amachita zimenezi pofuna kulanga mwamuna kapena mkazi wake, nthawi zina angatero chifukwa cha kusokonezeka maganizo kapena kukhumudwa. Komatu kusiya kulankhulana kumangokulitsa vuto, sikuti kumathandiza kwenikweni kuthetsa vuto limene lilipo. Monga momwe mkazi wina ananenera, “tikayambiranso kulankhulana, sitikambirananso za vutolo.”

17. Kodi Akristu amene ali ndi mavuto a m’banja ayenera kuchita chiyani?

¹⁷ Vuto likamapitirira m’banja, palibe njira yachidule yolithetsera. Lemba la Miyambo 15:22 limati: “Zolingalira zizimidwa popanda upo; koma pochuluka aphungu zikhazikika.”  Pamafunika kukhala pansi ndi mnzanuyo ndi kukambirana vutolo. Yesetsani kumvetsera zonena za mnzanuyo, ndipo teroni mulibe maganizo kapena mtima wolakwika. Ngati zikuoneka kuti n’zosatheka kutero, bwanji osapempha akulu mumpingo wachikristu kuti akuthandizeni? Iwo amadziwa Malemba ndipo akudziwa mmene mfundo za m’Baibulo zingagwiritsidwire ntchito. Iwo ‘ali monga pobisalira mphepo, ndi pousira chimphepo.’​—Yesaya 32:2.

N’zotheka Kuti Muzilankhula Mosamala

18. Kodi pa Aroma 7:18-23 pafotokozedwa za vuto lotani?

¹⁸ Kulamulira lilime n’kovuta, ndipo n’chimodzimodzinso ndi kulamulira zochita zathu. Pofotokoza mmene anavutikira, mtumwi Paulo analemba kuti: “Ndidziwa kuti m’kati mwanga, ndiko m’thupi langa, simukhala chinthu chabwino; pakuti kufuna ndili nako, koma kuchita chabwino sindikupeza. Pakuti chabwino chimene ndichifuna, sindichichita; koma choipa chimene sindichifuna, chimenecho ndichita. Koma ngati ndichita chimene sindichifuna, sindinenso amene ndichichita, koma uchimo wakukhalabe m’kati mwanga ndiwo.” Chifukwa cha “lamulo [la uchimo, NW] la m’ziwalo [zathu],” sitigwiritsa ntchito bwino lilime lathu ndiponso ziwalo zathu zina. (Aroma 7:18-23) Komabe, m’pofunika kulimbana ndi vuto limeneli, ndipo tingalithetse mothandizidwa ndi Mulungu.

19, 20. Kodi chitsanzo cha Yesu chingathandize motani amuna ndi akazi kulamulira lilime lawo?

¹⁹ M’banja lomwe muli chikondi ndi kulemekezana, simukhala kulankhula kosaganizirana, ndi kokhadzula. Taganizirani za chitsanzo chimene Yesu Kristu anasonyeza pankhani imeneyi. Yesu sanawalankhule mwachipongwe ophunzira ake. Ngakhale usiku womaliza wa moyo wake pamene atumwi ake ankakangana kuti wamkulu ndani pakati pawo, Mwana wa Mulunguyu sanawakalipire. (Luka 22:24-27) Baibulo limati: “Amuna inu, kondani akazi anu, monganso Kristu anakonda Eklesia, nadzipereka yekha m’malo mwake.”​—Aefeso 5:25.

²⁰ Nanga bwanji mkazi? Iye ayenera ‘kukhala ndi ulemu waukulu kwa mwamuna wake.’ (Aefeso 5:33, NW) Kodi zingatheke kuti mkazi amene amalemekeza mwamuna wake am’kalipire, ndi mawu achipongwe? Paulo analemba kuti: “Ndifuna kuti mudziwe, kuti mutu wa munthu yense ndiye Kristu; ndi mutu wa mkazi ndiye mwamuna; ndipo mutu wa Kristu ndiye Mulungu.” (1 Akorinto 11:3) Akazi ayenera kugonjera mutu wawo ngati mmene Kristu amachitira ndi Mutu wake. (Akolose 3:18) Ngakhale kuti palibe munthu wopanda ungwiro amene angatengere bwinobwino mmene Yesu amachitira zinthu, kuyesetsa ‘kulondola mapazi ake’ kungathandize amuna ndi akazi kuthetsa vuto logwiritsa ntchito lilime molakwa.​—1 Petro 2:21.

Kodi Mwaphunzira Chiyani?

• Kodi lilime losalamulirika lingawononge motani banja?

• N’chifukwa chiyani lilime n’lovuta kulilamulira?

• N’chiyani chimatithandiza kulankhula mosamala?

• Kodi muyenera kuchita chiyani banja lanu likakhala m’mavuto?

[Mafunso]

[Chithunzi patsamba 24]

Akulu amapereka chithandizo chochokera m’Baibulo