Kodi Banja Lingapirire Mavuto Aakulu?

“Chimene Mulungu anachimanga pamodzi, munthu asachilekanitse.”—MATEYU 19:6.

NYUMBA zomwe zinkaoneka kuti ndi zolimba zinawonongeka maziko, n’kugwa. Mphepo za mkuntho zoopsa kwambiri zitawomba m’madera akuluakulu m’mbali zosiyanasiyana za dziko lonse m’pamene nyumba zambiri zinaonekera kuti ndi zolimba kapena ayi.

Masiku ano, mabanja tingawayerekeze ndi nyumba zomwe maziko ndi zipupa zake zikuphwasuka ndi mphepo ya mkuntho. Stephanie Coontz, yemwe ndi katswiri wa mbiri ya mabanja, anati: “Anthu sakuonanso kuti banja n’lofunika kwa munthu aliyense payekha kapenanso m’magulumagulu, ndipo izi zachititsa kuti m’mabanja mukhale mavuto kapena mtendere.”

Kodi mukuona zotsatira zake za khalidwe limeneli? Kodi mukuganiza kuti anthu sakuonanso ukwati kuti ndi wolemekezeka? Ngati ndi choncho, kodi zimenezi zikuchitika chifukwa chiyani? Ndipo kodi pangakhale chiyembekezo chilichonse chokhala ndi banja losangalala? Koma poyamba, kodi n’chiyani chikuchititsa kuti mabanja akhale m’mavuto?

Mabanja Ali Pamavuto

Mavuto a m’banja sanayambe lero ayi, anayamba kale kwambiri, pachiyambi pa mbiri ya anthu. Mavuto omwe timaona m’mabanja masiku ano anayamba chifukwa cha makhalidwe ndi maganizo omwe makolo athu oyambirira anadzakhala nawo. Adamu ndi Hava anachimwa chifukwa chakuti sanapewe mtima wadyera, ndipo n’chifukwa chake “uchimo unalowa m’dziko lapansi.” (Aroma 5:12) Mbiri yomwe timaipeza m’Baibulo imatiuza kuti patangotha nthawi yochepa chichitikireni zimenezi ‘ndingaliro zonse za maganizo a mitima [ya anthu] zinakhala zoipa zokhazokha.’—Genesis 6:5.

Zinthu sizinasinthe kwambiri kuchokera nthawi imeneyo. Ena mwa malingaliro oipa omwe akuwononga mabanja ndiwo mtima wa anthu wodyera anzawo masuku pamutu pofuna kukwaniritsa zofuna zawo. Ena amaona kuti kukhala pabanja ndi zinthu zachikale, zosagwirizana ndi makhalidwe amakono ndipo sikungam’thandize munthu. Ndipo kufewetsa malamulo onena za kuthetsa banja, kwachititsa kuti anthu asamachite manyazi n’kusudzulana ngati momwe zinkakhalira kale.

Anthu osaupeza mtima, omwe amangoganizira zokhumba zawo basi, saganizira mofatsa ndipo mwinanso saganizira n’komwe mavuto omwe amakhalapo anthu akasudzulana. Chifukwa chopusitsidwa ndi malonjezo okopa, oti akhala paufulu ndiponso kudziimira pawokha, iwo amakhulupirira kuti kusudzulana kungawathandize kukhala achimwemwe.

Ena amaona kuti banja lawo likakhala pamavuto aakulu kwambiri, angathandizidwe ndi madokotala ndiponso alangizi a za m’banja kapena mabuku olembedwa ndi anthu amenewa. Koma n’zomvetsa chisoni kuti anthu ena omwe amati ndi akatswiri a za m’banja masiku ano ndiwo akuoneka kuti amalimbikitsa kwambiri kusudzulana m’malo momanga mabanja. Buku lakuti The Case for Marriage linati: “Mwinamwake kwa nthawi yoyamba m’mbiri ya anthu, banja lomwe anthu amalilakalaka likukumana ndi mavuto ndipo n’zodabwitsa kuti likusokonekera ndi zimenezi. Nthawi zina mavutowo amakhala achindunji ndiponso nthawi zinanso amakhala maganizo olakwika basi, oyambitsidwa ndi anthu omwe amati ndi akatswiri a za m’banja amene amakhulupirira kuti n’zosatheka kapena  n’zopondereza kuti mwamuna ndi mkazi alumbirirane kuti akhala okhulupirika moyo wawo wonse.”

Maganizo a Anthu Asintha

Maganizo a anthu nawonso asintha pankhani ya mmene banja liyenera kukhalira ndiponso cholinga chake. N’kutheka kuti inu mwaonapo kuti anthu sakuganiziranso kwambiri zopeza mwamuna kapena mkazi wokhulupirika ndi wothandizana nawo, koma m’malo mwake akungoyembekezera kukwaniritsa zofuna zawo basi, ndipo nthawi zambiri zimakhala zopondereza mnzawoyo. Kukhala ndi maganizo odzikonda kumeneku “kunayamba cha m’ma 1960 ndipo kunafala kwambiri cha m’ma 1970,” limatero buku la Journal of Marriage and Family. Anthu masiku ano akuona kuti zifukwa zimene anthu ankakwatirira kale, monga kufuna kukondedwa, munthu wodalirana naye, kukhala ndi ana, ndiponso kuchitirana zinthu zabwino n’zosathandiza.

Zinthu zinanso zomwe zikuchitika masiku ano zathandizira kusintha kwa mabanja m’mayiko ambiri. Choyamba, m’mayiko ambiri anthu sakuonanso kuti mwamuna ndiye wopezera banja chakudya ndipo mkazi ndiye wosamalira panyumba. Popeza kuti akazi akulowa ntchito, mabanja amene mwamuna ndi mkazi amagwira ntchito achuluka kwambiri. Chachiwiri, anthu ambiri sakuona vuto lililonse kuti munthu akhale ndi mwana asanakwatire, ndipo izi zachititsa kuti pakhale mabanja ambiri a kholo limodzi. Chachitatu, anthu ongokhalira limodzi popanda kulembetsa ukwati akuchuluka. (Onani bokosi lakuti “N’kosadalirika Poyerekeza ndi Ukwati.”) Chachinayi, anthu ambiri akuona kuti palibe vuto kuti amuna kapena akazi okhaokha azikwatirana, ndipo akulimbikitsa zoti pakhale malamulo ovomereza maukwati oterewa. Kodi zinthu zomwe zikuchitika masiku anozi zakhudza mmene inu mumaonera banja?

Kusudzulana Kukuwonjezeka

Tiyeni tikambirane zochitika m’mayiko angapo kuti tione mmene kufala kwa kusudzulana kukuwonongetseranso mabanja. Ku United States, malinga ndi zomwe linanena lipoti lina laposachedwapa, “chiwerengero cha anthu osudzulana chinakwera kuwirikiza kanayi kuchokera mu 1970 mpaka  mu 1996.” Tinganene kuti ukwati wa munthu mmodzi pa anthu asanu alionse achikulire unatha mwa kusudzulana. Kodi ndi mabanja otani amene amasokonekera kawirikawiri? Zikuoneka kuti pafupifupi mabanja 60 pa mabanja 100 alionse osudzulana amatero m’zaka khumi zoyambirira za ukwati wawo.

M’mayiko ena, chiwerengero cha mabanja osudzulana chakweranso kwambiri. M’chaka cha 2004, chiwonkhetso cha mabanja osudzulana ku England ndi Wales chinafika 153,490. Anthu ku Australia aziyembekezera kuti mabanja pafupifupi 40 pa 100 alionse atha mwa kusudzulana. M’chaka chimodzi chokha, kuyambira mu 2002 mpaka 2003, mabanja osudzulana m’dziko la Republic of Korea anawonjezeka ndi 21,800, zomwe zinachititsa kuti chiwerengero chonse cha mabanja osudzulana chifike pa 167,100. Chiwerengero cha mabanja osudzulana m’dziko la Japan, chomwe ndi banja limodzi pa mabanja anayi alionse, chatsala pang’ono kufanana ndi cha ku Ulaya. “Kale, mabanja okhawo omwe zinthu zavutitsitsa kwambiri ndiwo ankasudzulana,” anatero katswiri wina wa za m’banja wa ku yunivesite ya Red Cross ku Japan. “Masiku ano anthu akungosudzulana mmene akufunira.”

Kale, m’mayiko ambiri zipembedzo ndiponso miyambo inkathandiza kuti mabanja akhale olimba. Koma masiku ano zinthu zimenezi sizikuchepetsa vuto la kusudzulana. Mwachitsanzo, taganizirani za Tchalitchi cha Roma Katolika, chomwe chimati ukwati ndi wopatulika. Mu 1983 tchalitchichi chinafewetsa malamulo ake okhudza ukwati ndipo chinachititsa kuti Akatolika asamavutike kuthetsa mabanja  awo. Chifukwa cha zimenezi, mabanja ambiri akhala akutha kuyambira nthawiyo.

N’zoonekeratu kuti mfundo zomwe zinkathandiza mabanja kukhala olimba zikutha mphamvu. Komatu sikuti zifukwa zonse n’zodziwikiratu ayi. Ndipotu, kuwonjezera pa kusokonekera kwa chikhalidwe, pali winanso amene akuchititsa kuti mabanja asamalimbe ndipo ameneyu ndi wosaoneka kwa anthu ambiri.

Woyambitsa Wosaoneka wa Mavuto a M’banja

Baibulo limatiuza kuti Satana Mdyerekezi, yemwe ndi chimake cha dyera, akumka nasokoneza kwambiri dziko lapansili mwakabisira. N’chifukwa chiyani zili choncho? Chifukwa chakuti anaponyedwa kudziko lapansi kuchokera kumwamba ndipo ndi wokwiya kwambiri. Ndipo, mtima wake wonse uli pobweretsa “tsoka” kapena kuti mavuto aakulu, ndipo banja lomwe Mulungu ndiye anayambitsa n’chimodzi mwa zinthu zimene Satana walusira kwambiri.—Chivumbulutso 12:9, 12.

Pofotokoza za nthawi yomwe Satana adzakhale atathamangitsidwa kumwamba, Yesu anati: “Chifukwa cha kuchuluka kwa kusayeruzika, chikondano cha anthu aunyinji chidzazirala.” (Mateyu 24:12) Nayenso mtumwi Paulo analemba kuti: “Anthu adzakhala odzikonda okha, okonda ndalama, odzitamandira, odzikuza, amwano, osamvera akuwabala, osayamika, osayera mtima, opanda chikondi chachibadwidwe, osayanjanitsika, akudyerekeza, osakhoza kudziletsa, aukali, osakonda abwino, achiwembu, aliuma olimbirira, otukumuka mtima, okonda zokondweretsa munthu, osati okonda Mulungu.” (2 Timoteo 3:2-4) N’zoona kuti anthu akhala ndi makhalidwe oipawa kuyambira kalekale, koma ambirife tingavomereze kuti tsopano zinthu zafika ponyanya.

Poona mavuto aakulu omwe mabanja akukumana nawo, kodi ifeyo tingadziteteze motani kuti tikhale ndi banja losangalala ndiponso lolimba? Nkhani yotsatirayi iyankha funso limeneli.

[Mawu Otsindika patsamba 5]

“Malinga ndi khalidwe lokonda kutaya katundu wotha ntchito womwe wafalawu, mwachionekere anthu azionanso amuna kapena akazi awo ngati katundu wotero.”—SANDRA DAVIS, KATSWIRI WA MALAMULO A M’BANJA

[Bokosi/Chithunzi patsamba 4]

“N’kosadalirika Poyerekeza ndi Ukwati”

Amuna ndi akazi ambiri akumakhalira limodzi popanda ukwati. Koma, kukhalira limodzi kotereku “n’kosadalirika poyerekeza ndi ukwati,” linatero lipoti limene anatulutsa a Centers for Disease Control and Prevention ku United States. Ena mwa anthu amenewa amakhalira limodzi n’cholinga choti aone ngati ndi oyenererana kukwatirana. Kodi zimenezi zimathandizira kuti mabanja ambiri akhale olimba ndi oyenda bwino? Malinga ndi zomwe linanena buku lakuti Journal of Marriage and Family, zikuoneka kuti sizitero ayi. “Pa mabanja onse, zikuoneka kuti mabanja a anthu omwe ankakhalira limodzi asanakwatirane sakhutira ndi ukwati wawo . . . , amakhala ndi mavuto ambiri m’banja mwawo, ndiponso . . . kawirikawiri mabanja awo salimba,” linatero bukuli.

[Bokosi/Chithunzi patsamba 5]

Mmene Moyo Wautali Umakhudzira Banja

Anthu masiku ano akukhala moyo wautali. Ngakhale kuti izi ndi zosangalatsa, koma zawonjezera mavuto m’mabanja. Masiku ano, mabanja ambiri omwe akanatha pa imfa, amatha mwa kusudzulana. Taonani za vuto lodabwitsa kwambiri lomwe akazi a ku Japan amene akhala m’banja kwa nthawi yaitali amakumana nalo. Malinga ndi zomwe inanena magazini ya The Washington Post, akatswiri a mabanja amalitcha kuti “vuto lomwe limakhalapo amuna akapuma pantchito.” Pofotokoza mmene anamvera itakwana nthawi yoti mwamuna wake apume pantchito, mkazi wina yemwe panthawiyo anali atakhala pabanja zaka 40, ananena kuti ankaganiza motere: “Ndimusudzula tsopano. Ndatopa kum’tumikira akabwera kuntchito. Koma sindingathenso kupirira kuti azikhala pakhomo nthawi zonse.”