Achinyamata Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi Ndingachite Zotani Ngati Mtsikana Akundifuna?

“Susan ndi amene ananena kuti akundifuna chibwenzi, ndipo ine ndinalibe nazo vuto zimenezo. Ndinangoona kuti ndi mwayi wanzama.”—Anatero James. *

“Ngati mwamuna sachita zinthu moona mtima ndi akazi, zingabweretse mavuto aakulu.”—Anatero Roberto.

TIYEREKEZERE kuti masiku apitawa mtsikana wina anakuuzani kuti amafuna kukufunsani zinazake. Mtsikanayu mwakhala mukumuonera pagulu, ndipo ndi wosangalatsa kucheza naye ndi kuchita naye zinthu limodzi. Koma zomwe anakuuzani si zimene munali kuyembekezera. Iye akukufunani chibwenzi, ndipo akufuna kuti mumuyankhe.

Zimenezi zingakudabwitseni ngati mumakhulupirira kuti mwamuna ndi amene ayenera kufunsira mkazi. Ngakhale kuti nthawi zambiri zimakhaladi choncho, kumbukirani kuti pokufunsirani, mtsikanayo sanaphwanye mfundo iliyonse ya m’Baibulo. * Kuzindikira zimenezi kungakuthandizeni kumuyankha moyenera.

Mutaganizira mofatsa za nkhaniyo, mwina mungaone kuti simukufuna kukhala pa chibwenzi chifukwa mukadali wamng’ono, kapenanso mwina kuti pakali panopo mtsikanayo simumuganizira zimenezo. Mukhozanso kudziimba mlandu, poganizira kuti mwina inuyo ndi amene munamupatsa mtsikanayo maganizo olakwika. Kodi mungatani pamenepa? Choyamba, muyenera kuganizira momwe mtsikanayo akumvera.

Ganizirani Momwe Mtsikanayo Akumvera

Taganizirani momwe mtsikana amavutikira akakhala kuti akufuna mnyamata chibwenzi. Pofuna kuti inuyo musamutole chifukwa chilichonse, akhoza kukhala kuti anayeseza masiku ambirimbiri momwe adzakulankhulireni. Angakhale atasankha mawu abwino oti adzakuuzeni ndiponso kukonzekera momwe adzakusekerereni. N’kuthekanso kuti anada nkhawa pozindikira kuti mukhoza kumukana. Pomaliza, anadzilimbitsa mtima ndipo anathana ndi mantha amene anali nawo, n’kukuuzani zomwe zinali kukhosi kwake.

N’chifukwa chiyani anachita zinthu zovuta zoterozo? Mwina amakopeka nanu. Komanso, n’kutheka kuti amasangalala ndi makhalidwe anu abwino, omwe mwina anthu ena ambiri sawaona. Choncho pokuuzani kuti akukufunani chibwenzi, mosakayikira amasonyezanso kuti akuyamikira makhalidwe  anu abwino, zinthu zomwe anthu sakuuzani tsiku lililonse.

Tikufotokoza mfundo zimenezi, osati kuti tikulimbikitseni kum’lola kapena kum’kana mtsikanayo, koma kuti tikukumbutseni kuti muyenera kumuyankha momuganizira. Mtsikana wina dzina lake Julie anati: “Ngakhale kuti sakumufuna mtsikanayo, mnyamatayo ayenera kusangalala kuti munthu wina wakopeka naye. Choncho m’malo mongonena kuti ‘sindikukufuna,’ ayenera kumuyankha momuganizira ndiponso momulemekeza.” Tsopano tiyeni tiyerekezere kuti zimenezo n’zimene mukufuna kuchita. Kodi mungachite bwanji zimenezi?

Bwanji ngati mtsikanayo munamukanapo kale m’mbuyomu? Tsopano mwina mungafune kungomulankhula momumasula. Koma dziletseni kuti musachite zimenezo. Lemba la Miyambo 12:18 limati: “Alipo wonena mwansontho ngati kupyoza kwa lupanga; koma lilime la anzeru lilamitsa.” Kodi mungalankhule bwanji ndi “lilime la anzeru”?

Mwina mukhoza kungomuthokoza chifukwa chofotokoza maganizo ake ndiponso chifukwa chokuonani kuti ndinu munthu wabwino. Mupepeseni ngati munamupatsa maganizo olakwika ngakhale pang’ono chabe. Muuzeni mokoma mtima koma momveka bwino kuti simukufuna kukhala naye pachibwenzi. Ngati sakumvetsetsa zomwe mwanenazo ndipo mukufunika kumuuza mosapita m’mbali, pewani kulankhula mokhadzula ndiponso kunena mawu opweteka. Zimene munganene zikhoza kumupweteka kwambiri mumtima, choncho lezani mtima. Mukanakhala kuti ndinu amene munafunsira, mukanasangalala akanakukanani mwaulemu, si choncho?

Koma mwina akhoza kulimbikira kunena kuti inuyo munamupatsa dala maganizo olakwika. Akhoza kutchula zinthu zina zomwe munachita zomwe zinamuyambitsa kuganiza zoti mwina mukumufuna. Akhoza kunena kuti, ‘N’chifukwa chiyani unandipatsa mphatso yakutiyakuti ija?’ kapena ‘Bwanji zimene unkandiuza zija pamene tinkayenda limodzi mwezi watha?’ Zikatero ndiye kuti inuyo muyenera kudziona bwinobwino kuti muone ngati munalakwitsa penapake.

Vomerezani Zimene Munalakwitsa

Kale anthu otulukira malo atsopano ankaona malo amene atulukirawo ngati ofunika kuwagonjetsa ndi kudyererapo, ndipo masiku ano amuna ena amaona akazi m’njira yomweyo. Amasangalala kukhala pachibwenzi koma safuna ukwati, chifukwa umabweretsa udindo waukulu. Popanda kulonjeza chilichonse, amakopa akazi powapatsa maganizo oti akuwafuna. Mwamuna woteroyo amachita zachinyengo pofuna kuti mkazi ayambe kumukonda. Mkulu wina wachikristu anati: “Amuna amati chibwenzi chikatha ndi mtsikana uyu nthawi yomweyo amayambitsa china ndi mtsikana wina. Sibwino kusewera choncho ndi maganizo a atsikana.” Kodi kudzikonda koteroko mapeto ake amakhala otani?

“Monga woyaruka woponya nsakali, mivi, ndi imfa, momwemo wonyenga mnzake ndi kuti, Ndi kusewera kumeneku.” (Miyambo 26:18, 19) Mwamuna akamachita chibwenzi ndi mtsikana chifukwa chongofuna kudzisangalatsa yekha, mtsikanayo pamapeto pake amazindikira khalidwe lenileni la mnyamatayo. Akatero, chinyengo chakecho chikhoza  kumupweteka kwambiri mtsikanayo, monga momwe nkhani yotsatirayi ikusonyezera.

Mnyamata winawake anayambitsa chibwenzi ndi mtsikana, koma analibe cholinga chomukwatira. Ankamupititsa ku malesitilanti abwino, ndiponso ankapitira limodzi ku mapwando. Mnyamatayo ankasangalala kucheza ndi mtsikanayo, ndipo mtsikanayo ankasangalala ndi mmene mnyamatayo ankamusamalira, pokhulupirira kuti anali ndi cholinga chodzamukwatira. Atazindikira kuti mnyamatayo ankangofuna kucheza basi, anapwetekedwa kwambiri mumtima.

Kodi muyenera kutani ngati zitachita kuti mwapatsa mtsikana amene wangokulankhulani kumeneyo maganizo olakwika mosadziwa? Kulankhula modzikhululukira kungangochititsa kuti mtsikanayo aipidwe maganizo ndi kukhumudwa kwambiri. Taganizirani mfundo ya m’Baibulo yotsatirayi: “Wobisa machimo ake sadzaona mwayi; koma wakuwavomereza, nawasiya adzachitidwa chifundo.” (Miyambo 28:13) Choncho nenani zoona. Vomerezani kulakwa kwanu kumene mwina kunachititsa kuti mum’patse maganizo olakwika nthawi inayake. Ndipo ngati munamuchititsa kuganiza kuti mukumufuna mwadala, vomerezani kuti munalakwa kwambiri. Pepesani moona mtima.

Koma musaganize kuti mmene mwapepesamo ndiye kuti nkhaniyo yathera pomwepo. Mtsikanayo akhoza kukukwiyirani kwa nthawi yaitali. Mungafunike kukafotokoza zomwe munachitazo kwa makolo ake. Ndipo mungakumanenso ndi mavuto ena. Lemba la Agalatiya 6:7 limati: “Chimene munthu achifesa, chimenenso adzachituta.” Koma mukapepesa n’kuchita zonse zomwe mungathe kuti zinthu zikhalenso bwino, mungamuthandize mtsikanayo kuiwala nkhaniyo n’kuyamba kuganizira zina. Ndipo zomwe zachitikazi zingakuphunzitseni ‘kuletsa lilime lanu kuti lisalankhule chinyengo’ pa zochitika zonse za pamoyo, kuphatikizapo zokhudza atsikana.—Salmo 34:13.

Ganizani Mofatsa Musanayankhe

Koma bwanji ngati mungakonde kukhala pachibwenzi ndi mtsikanayo? Ngati mukufuna zimenezo, zindikirani kuti kukhala pachibwenzi si nkhani yamasewera ayi. Chilakolako champhamvu chimene anthu amamva akakhala pachibwenzi ndi chizindikiro choti ayenera kugwirizana zokwatirana. Akakwatirana, chilakolako chimenecho chimawathandiza kukondana kwambiri ngati munthu ndi mkazi wake. Kodi kudziwa zimenezi kungakuthandizeni bwanji?

Mutaganizira za mtsikana ameneyu, mungazindikire kuti mukukopeka naye chifukwa cha zinthu zingapo. Iye wasonyeza kuti akukufunani, ndipo mukufuna kuti apitirizebe kutero. Koma m’malo mongoyamba chibwenzicho mopupuluma, chitanipo kanthu panopa kuti nonse awirinu mupewe kudzapwetekedwa mumtima patsogolo.

Pakapita kanthawi mungafune kulankhula ndi anthu angapo okhwima maganizo amene amamudziwa mtsikanayo. Muuzeni kuti nayenso alankhule ndi anthu amene amakudziwani inuyo. Aliyense wa inu afunse anthu okhwima maganizowo kuti anene makhalidwe abwino ndiponso zofooka zimene winayo ali nazo. Mungafunsenso akulu achikristu kuti anenepo maganizo awo. Ndibwino kudziwa ngati munthu amene mukumufunayo ali ndi mbiri yabwino mu mpingo wachikristu.

Koma mwina mungafunse kuti, ‘N’chifukwa chiyani ndiyenera kulowetsapo anthu ena pa nkhani yachinsinsi ngati imeneyi?’ Zoona zake n’zakuti, ngakhale pa nkhani ya kadziwamwini ngati kuchita chibwenzi, n’chinthu chanzeru kumva maganizo a anthu ena. Ndiponso n’zogwirizana ndi Malemba, chifukwa lemba la Miyambo 15:22 limati: ‘Pochuluka aphungu zolingalira zikhazikika.’ Akuluakulu amene mwalankhula nawowo si kuti ndi amene akusankhireni zochita. Koma “uphungu” umene angakupatseni ungakusonyezeni mbali zina za khalidwe la munthu winayo, ngakhalenso la inuyo, zomwe mwina simukanaziona.—Miyambo 27:9.

James, amene tinamutchula koyambirira uja, anachita zimenezi. Ngakhale kuti anali akukhala payekha, analankhula ndi makolo ake za Susan. Kenaka iye ndi Susan anapatsana mayina a anthu ena okhwima maganizo amene akanatha kuwauza ngati akuona kuti ndi oyenerana kapena ayi. Aliyense atamva zabwino za mnzake, James ndi Susan anayamba chibwenzi n’cholinga choti adzakwatirane. Ngati inunso muchita zinthu zofanana ndi zimenezi musanayambe kukondana kwambiri, mukhoza kukhutira kuti mukuchita zanzeru mukasankha zoyamba kuchita chibwenzi kapena ayi.

Koposa zonse, pempherani kwa Yehova. Popeza anthu akakhala pachibwenzi cholinga chake chimakhala choti adzakwatirane, m’pempheni Mulungu kuti akuthandizeni kuona ngati mutachita chibwenzi ndi mtsikanayu mungadzakwatirane nayedi. Ndipo chachikulu m’pempheni Mulungu kuti athandize nonsenu kuchita zinthu zomwe zingakuthandizeni kuyandikana naye. Kuchita zimenezo n’kumene kungakubweretsereni nonsenu chimwemwe chenicheni.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Zithunzi patsamba 29]

Ngati simunatsimikize zoti mtsikanayo mukumufuna, samalani kuti musamupatse maganizo olakwika