Achinyamata Akufunsa Kuti . . .

N’chifukwa Chiyani Chibwenzi Changa Chimandizunza Chonchi?

“Nthaŵi zambiri [chibwenzi] changa chimandikalipira zinthu za zii. Koma ndimam’konda kwambiri.”—Anatero Kathrin. *

“Kunjaku sikunkaoneka [mabala alionse], koma mumtimamu, zinkandipweteka kwambiri.”—Anatero Andrea, amene anamenyedwa mbama ndi chibwenzi chake.

NDI zinthu zofala kwambiri: Mtsikana ali pachibwenzi ndi mnyamata amene akuoneka kuti alibe mnzake pankhani ya chikondi ndi ulemu. Koma pang’ono ndi pang’ono, akuyamba kusintha. M’malo mwa mawu achikondi, wayamba kunena mawu achipongwe. Poyamba, mtsikanayo akuona ndithu kuti mnyamatayo salankhula bwino, koma akungozikankhira kunkhongo poganiza kuti kumeneko ndi kusereulana kwachikondi. Komabe, zinthu zikuipiraipira ndipo mobwerezabwereza mnyamatayo akumamukalipira mtsikanayo, kumupsera mtima, kenaka n’kupepesa kwambiri. Mtsikanayo, poganiza kuti mwina iyeyo amachita chinachake chimene chimapangitsa chibwenzi chakecho kusonyeza khalidwe loipalo, sakuuza munthu aliyense zimenezi, ndipo akuganiza kuti mwina zinthu zisintha. Koma zinthu sizikusintha. Chibwenzi chakecho tsopano chikuyamba kumamulankhula mokuwa ndi mwaukali. Panthaŵi ina imene anakwiya kwambiri, anafika mpaka pomukankha mwamphamvu! Akuchita mantha kuti ulendo wotsatira mwina adzamumenya. *

Anyamata ndi atsikana amene ali ndi chibwenzi chimene chimawamenya kapena kuwalankhula moipa angamavutike nthaŵi zonse chifukwa chakuti chibwenzi chawocho chimangokhalira kuwadzudzula, kuwalankhula mawu opweteka, ndi kuwakwiyira. Kodi inuyo muli pa chibwenzi choterocho? (Onani bokosi lakuti “Zizindikiro Zina Zimene Mungadziŵire Vutolo.”) Ngati zili choncho, mungakhale ovutika maganizo ndiponso mungamachite manyazi n’kufika poti simukudziŵa chochita.

Zochitika ngati zimenezi n’zofala kuposa mmene mungaganizire. Anthu ochita kafukufuku akuyerekezera kuti munthu mmodzi mwa anthu 5 alionse anachitiridwapo  nkhanza ndi chibwenzi chake. Tikawonjezerapo kulankhula mawu opweteka monga mbali ya kuchita nkhanza, chiŵerengerochi chimakwera kufika pa anthu 4 mwa anthu 5 alionse. Mosiyana ndi mmene anthu ambiri amaganizira, sikuti anthu amene amazunzidwa ndi akazi okhaokha. Malinga ndi kafukufuku amene anachitika ku Britain wokhudza kuchitirana nkhanza pachibwenzi, “pafupifupi chiŵerengero chofanana cha amuna ndi akazi” ananena kuti anali ndi zibwenzi zozunza. *

N’chifukwa chiyani khalidwe loipa loterolo limachitika pachibwenzi? Kodi muyenera kuchita chiyani ngati muli pachibwenzi choterocho?

Kudziŵa Maganizo a Mulungu pa Nkhaniyo

Choyamba, muyenera kuzindikira kuti nkhani imeneyo si yamaseŵera kwa Mulungu. N’zoona kuti anthu opanda ungwiro nthaŵi ndi nthaŵi amachita ndi kunena zinthu zimene zimapweteka ena. (Yakobo 3:2) N’zoonanso kuti ngakhale anthu amene amakondana ndi kukhulupirirana amasemphana maganizo nthaŵi ndi nthaŵi. Mwachitsanzo, mtumwi Paulo ndi Barnaba anali Akristu okhwima maganizo. Koma panthaŵi inayake ‘anapsetsana mitima.’ (Machitidwe 15:39) Choncho ngati muli pachibwenzi ndi winawake, zinthu zikhoza kusayenda bwino nthaŵi ndi nthaŵi.

Kuwonjezera apo, kungakhale kusaona zinthu moyenera kuganiza kuti chibwenzi chanucho sichidzakudzudzulanipo n’kamodzi komwe. Mfundo n’njakuti, mukuganiza zokwatirana. Ndiye ngati sakusangalala ndi khalidwe kapena chizoloŵezi chanu chinachake, kodi sikungakhale kusonyeza chikondi kukulankhulani za zimenezi? N’zoona, kudzudzulidwa kumapweteka. (Ahebri 12:11) Koma ngati akukudzudzulani chifukwa cha chikondi ndiponso mwachikondi, sizitanthauza kuti akukuzunzani.—Miyambo 27:6.

Koma kulankhula mokuwa ndi mokalipa, kumenya mbama, kumenya nkhonya, ndi kutukwana ndi nkhani inanso imeneyo. Baibulo limatsutsa “mkwiyo, kupsa mtima, dumbo, mwano.” (Akolose 3:8) Yehova amakwiya kwambiri akaona munthu wina akugwiritsa ntchito “mphamvu” kuchititsa ena manyazi, kuwaopseza, kapena kuwazunza. (Mlaliki 4:1; 8:9) Ndipo Mawu a Mulungu amalamula amuna okwatira kuti “azikonda akazi awo a iwo okha monga ngati matupi a iwo okha . . . pakuti munthu sanadana nalo thupi lake ndi kale lonse; komatu alilera nalisunga.” (Aefeso 5:28, 29) Mwamuna amene amalankhula mopweteka kwa mkazi amene ali naye pachibwenzi kapena kumuzunza amasonyeza kuti si woyenera kumanga naye banja. Komanso amaputa mkwiyo wa Yehova Mulungu weniweniyo!

Si Inu Amene Mumachititsa

Komabe, anthu ozunza anzawo nthaŵi zambiri amanena kuti munthu wozunzidwayo ndi amene wachititsa. Choncho mwina nthaŵi zina mumaona kuti ndinu mumachititsa kuti chibwenzi chanu chizipsa mtima kwambiri choncho. Koma zingatheke kuti si inuyo amene mwamuchititsa kukwiya choncho. Nthaŵi zambiri amuna ozunza analeredwa m’mabanja amene kuchita nkhanza kapena kulankhula mawu opweteka kunkaoneka ngati n’zimene aliyense ayenera kuchita. * M’mayiko ena, anyamata amatsatira mwambo wakwawoko woti amuna ayenera kukhala amphamvu. Anzake a mnyamatayo angamamuuzenso kuti azionetsa chamuna. Chifukwa chosadzidalira, angamaone ngati mukumuderera nthaŵi iliyonse imene inuyo munena kapena kuchita kalikonse.

Kaya choyambitsa chake chikhale chiyani, si inuyo amene mumachititsa munthu wina kupsa mtima. Mawu opweteka ndi nkhanza si zololeka nthaŵi zonse.

Kusintha Maganizo Anu

Ngakhale zili choncho, mungafunike kusintha maganizo anu. Motani? Taganizirani izi. Ngati mtsikana anakulira m’banja lachiwawa ndiponso la anthu olankhula mawu opweteka, khalidwe lozunza lingaoneke ngati labwinobwino kwa iye. M’malo monyansidwa  ndi khalidwe losakhala lachikristu loterolo, angalilolere, mwinanso kukopeka nalo kumene. Indedi, anthu ena amene amazunzidwa ndi zibwenzi zawo amavomereza kuti sakopeka ndi amuna akhalidwe laulemu. Atsikana ena amaganiza molakwika kuti angathe kumusintha munthu amene ali naye pachibwenziyo.

Ngati muli ndi maganizo alionse okhala ngati ameneŵa, muyenera ‘kusandulika, mwa kukonzanso mtima wanu’ pankhani imeneyi. (Aroma 12:2) Mwa kupemphera, kuphunzira, ndi kusinkhasinkha zimene mwaphunzirazo, muyenera kuganizira mmene Yehova amaonera khalidwe lozunzalo ndipo liyenera kukunyansani. Muyenera kumvetsa mfundo yakuti simuyenera kuzunzidwa. Kukulitsa khalidwe lodzichepetsa, kapena kuti kuzindikira zofooka zanu, kungakuthandizeni kudziŵa kuti mulibe mphamvu yotha kusintha chibwenzi chanu chokonda kukwiyakwiyacho. Ndi udindo wake kusintha!—Agalatiya 6:5.

Nthaŵi zina atsikana amalolera kuzunzidwa poopera kuti palibenso angawafune. Kathrin, amene tinamutchula koyambirira uja, ananena kuti: “Sindingathe kukhala popanda iyeyo, ndipo sindikuganiza kuti ndingapeze munthu wina wabwinopo.” Mtsikana wina dzina lake Helga, ponena za chibwenzi chake anati: “Ndimalolera kuti andimenye chifukwa n’zabwinobe kusiyana ndi kusaonedwa n’komwe.”

Kodi maganizo oterowo akumveka ngati maziko olimba a ubwenzi wabwino? Ndipo kodi mungakondedi munthu wina ngati simungathe n’komwe kudzikonda inu mwini? (Mateyu 19:19) Chitani zinthu zoti zikupangitseni kudziona kuti ndinu munthu wofunika. * Kumangokhala pamene mukuzunzidwa sikungakuthandizeni kuchita zimenezo. Monga momwe mtsikana wina dzina lake Irena ananenera kuchokera pa zimene zinamuchitikira, kumangokhala pamene mukuzunzidwa “kungakuchotsereni ulemu wanu.”

Kuona Zinthu Monga Mmene Zilili

Ena angavutike kuvomereza kuti chibwenzi chawo chili ndi vuto, makamaka ngati ayamba kumukonda kwambiri munthu winayo. Koma musaphimbidwe m’maso n’kumalephera kuona zinthu monga mmene zilili. Mwambi wina wa m’Baibulo umati: “Wochenjera aona zoipa, nabisala; koma achibwana angopitirira, nalipitsidwa.” (Miyambo 22:3) Mtsikana wina dzina lake Hanna anati: “Ukayamba kumukonda m’nyamatayo, umakhala ngati wachita khungu, ndipo umangoona makhalidwe ake abwino okha basi.” Komabe, ngati akukuzunzani, m’pofunika kuti mumuone monga momwedi alili. Ndipo ngati chibwenzi chanu chimakuchititsani mantha kapena kukuchotserani ulemu, ndiye kuti penapake zinthu sizili bwino. Musayesere kunyalanyaza zimenezi, kumukhululukira, kapena kudziona ngati inuyo ndiye wolakwa. Umboni wa zimene zachitika wasonyeza kuti ngati khalidwe lozunza mulisiya osachitapo kanthu, limangoipiraipira. Moyo wanu ukhoza kukhala pangozi!

Indedi, zingakhale bwino kwambiri kusachita chibwenzi ndi munthu wosadziletsa. (Miyambo 22:24) Choncho ngati munthu amene simukumudziŵa bwino wakufunsirani chibwenzi, ndi bwino kumufufuza kaye. Bwanji osamuuza kuti poyamba muzicheza naye muli pagulu? Zimenezi zingakuthandizeni kumudziŵa popanda kuyamba kumukonda msangamsanga. Mudzifunse mafunso othandiza, monga: Kodi anzake ndi ndani? Kodi amakonda nyimbo, mafilimu, maseŵera a pakompyuta, ndi maseŵera ena otani? Kodi nkhani zimene amakamba zimasonyeza kuti amakonda zinthu zauzimu? Lankhulani ndi anthu amene amamudziŵa, monga akulu a mumpingo mwawo. Adzakuuzani ngati anthu ena ‘amam’chitira umboni wabwino’ chifukwa cha khalidwe lake lokhwima maganizo ndi lokondweretsa Mulungu.—Machitidwe 16:2.

Koma kodi mungatani ngati muli kale pachibwenzi ndi munthu amene amakuzunzani? Nkhani ya m’tsogolo idzayankha funso limeneli.

Ngati mukufuna kudziŵa zambiri kapena kuti wina aziphunzira nanu Baibulo panyumba panu kwaulere, lemberani Mboni za Yehova, Box 30749, Lilongwe 3, Malawi, kapena ku adiresi yoyenera pa maadiresi osonyezedwa patsamba 5.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Bokosi patsamba 32]

Zizindikiro Zina Zimene Mungadziŵire Vutolo

▪ Nthaŵi zambiri amanena zinthu zokunyozani, zonyoza banja lanu, ndiponso zonyoza anzanu mukakhala panokha kapena mukakhala ndi anthu ena

▪ Nthaŵi zambiri samvera maganizo anu kapena zimene mukufuna

▪ Amafuna kulamulira moyo wanu, kufuna kudziŵa kumene muli nthaŵi zonse ndiponso kukusankhirani zochita zanu zonse

▪ Amakulankhulani mokuwa ndi mwaukali, kukukankhani, kapena kukuopsezani

▪ Amakunyengererani kuti mumusonyeze chikondi m’njira zosayenera

▪ Simungachite chilichonse popanda kuda nkhaŵa kuti mwina mumukhumudwitsa m’njira inayake

[Chithunzi patsamba 31]

Kukudzudzulani kapena kukunyozani nthaŵi zonse kungasonyeze kuti chibwenzi chanu sichili bwino