Achinyamata Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi N’chifukwa Chiyani Abambo Anatichokera?

“Sindinamvetse kwenikweni chifukwa chimene abambo anga anachokera. Zimene ndinali kudziŵa n’zimene amayi anga anandiuza basi.”—James anatero. *

NGATI abambo alongedza katundu wawo n’kuchoka panyumba, kaŵirikaŵiri iwo amasiya m’mbuyo banja loŵaŵidwa mtima ndi lokhumudwa kwambiri. “Ndinakhumudwa kwambiri pamene amayi ndi abambo anga anathetsa ukwati wawo,” anatero James amene wagwidwa mawu pamwambapa, amenenso ali ndi zaka 14. Makamaka ngati abambo achoka osanena mawu alionse kenaka osadzaonekeranso ngakhale kulembanso makalata, ana awo angavutike maganizo podziyesa amlandu, angaone ngati bambo sawafuna, ndiponso angakwiye kwa zaka zambiri. *

Ngati abambo anu achoka, mungavutike maganizo podziŵa chifukwa chake. “Abambo anga anachoka kukakwatira mkazi wina,” anatero mnyamata wina dzina lake Michael. “Ndinawaona ali naye kamodzi ndipo zinandikwiyitsa. Ndinaona kuti abambo anatilakwira.” Komabe, nthaŵi zina kuchoka kwawo kungakhale ngati mwayi. Melissa amene abambo ake ndi chidakwa, anati: “Ngati iwo akanakhalabe panyumba, zikanakhala zotivuta kwabasi.”

Komabe nthaŵi zambiri, ana sadziŵa chifukwa chimene abambo awo anachokera, ndipo zimenezi zingachititse kuti kuchoka kwawoko kukhale koŵaŵa kwambiri. Inde, mungadziŵe kuti makolo anu anali kuvutana, koma mungakhale musanaganize n’komwe kuti iwo angadzalekane. Robert akukumbukira kuti: “Pamene abambo anachoka, sindinamvetse kwenikweni zimene zinali kuchitika. Ndinkangodziŵa kuti zinthu sizinali bwino chifukwa chakuti makolo anga anali kukangana nthaŵi zonse.”

N’chifukwa chiyani abambo ena amachoka panyumba? Ngati abambo anu anachoka, kodi muyenera kuganiza kuti akukukanani inuyo? Ndipo n’chifukwa chiyani makolo anu angaume pakamwa kukuuzani zambiri za nkhaniyo? Kodi iwo sayenera kukuuzani?

Chifukwa Chimene Iwo Safunira Kulankhula

Zifukwa zimene abambo amachokera si zabwino m’pang’ono pomwe. Nthaŵi zambiri, chifukwa chake chimakhala chigololo—khalidwe loipa limene kaŵirikaŵiri limakhala lobisira banja. Ngati mkazi watulukira khalidwe loipa limeneli, iye angafune kum’sudzula mwamuna wake. Iye angathe kumuuza kuti achoke mwakachetechete ngakhale asanasainirane makalata a chilekaniro. Ana angakhale osadziŵa n’komwe chifukwa chake zinthu zikuyenda choncho.

 Komabe, yesani kumvetsa chifukwa chake amayi anu angaume pakamwa kuti akuuzeni mwatsatanetsatane zimene zachitika. Chifukwa china n’chakuti, iwo angaone kuti kuulula khalidwe loipa lililonse limene abambo anu achita, zingangowonjezera mavuto. Komanso, tangoganizani mmene zimam’pwetekera mtima mkazi kudziŵa kuti mwamuna wake ndi wosakhulupirika. (Malaki 2:13, 14) Choncho ngati chigololo ndicho chathetsa ukwati wa makolo anu, musadabwe ngati amayi anu aona kuti nkhaniyo ndi yopweteketsa mtima kuikamba.

Nanga bwanji abambo anu? N’zachionekere, kuti ngati iwo akhala osakhulupirika kwa amayi anu, sangayerekeze dala kukuuzani za nkhaniyo. Amuna ena amadzimva amlandu kwambiri chifukwa cha khalidwe lawo loipalo moti safuna ngakhale pang’ono kuonana ndi ana awo! Komabe, ngakhale anachita khalidwe lawo lochititsa manyazi loterolo, abambo ambiri amakondabe ana awo ndipo angayese kupeza njira zolankhula nawo.

Nthaŵi zina abambo amachoka chifukwa cha kuchimwa kwa mkazi wawo, ndipo amayesetsa kusatalikirana ndi ana awo. Koma nthaŵi zinanso, kutha kwa ukwati sikukhala chifukwa cha chigololo n’komwe, koma kuchuluka kwa zaka zomangokangana kwambiri muukwati. * (Miyambo 18:24) Chifukwa chakuti kaŵirikaŵiri zimenezi zimachitika mwachinsinsi, simungadziŵe chimene chimayambitsa mkanganowo.

Pa Miyambo 25:9 Baibulo limati: “Nena mlandu wako ndi mnzako, osaulula zinsinsi za mwini.” Nthaŵi zina mikangano ya m’banja imaphatikizapo nkhani zachinsinsi za kuchipinda zoumitsa pakamwa. Kaya mukhulupirira kapena ayi, mwina ndi bwino kuti musamve zinthu zoterozo. Ndiponso, kuvumbula “zinsinsi” kaŵirikaŵiri kumachititsa vuto kuipiraipira. Mungafune kuimira kumbuyo wina—kungokulitsa kugaŵikana kwa m’banja mwanu. Kuona mfundo zonsezi, zingakukhalireni bwino ngati makolo anu sakuuzani zifukwa za mikangano yawoyo.

Yesetsani Kugonjetsa Mkwiyo mwa Kukhala Wolingalira

Komabe, n’kovuta kuti mtima usaŵaŵe ndi kukwiya ngati abambo anu achoka panyumba ndipo simungathe kunena chifukwa chake kuti n’chiyani. Mulimonsemo, pa Miyambo 19:11, Baibulo limati: “Kulingalira kwa munthu kuchedwetsa [osati kuti kumatha] mkwiyo.” Ndipo simufunika kudziŵa zonse kuti mukhale wolingalira.

Mwachitsanzo, Baibulo limatithandiza kuona kuti makolo athu ndi opanda ungwiro. Ilo limati: “Onse anachimwa, napereŵera pa ulemerero wa Mulungu.” (Aroma 3:23) Kumvetsa nkhani yopweteka imeneyi kungakuthandizeni kuona bwino zolakwa za makolo anu mmene zilili. Mwachitsanzo, ngati abambo anu aswa zimene analumbira paukwati wawo, kuteroko n’kulakwa kwakukulu—ndipo ali ndi mlandu pamaso pa Mulungu. (Ahebri 13:4) Koma sizikutanthauza kuti basi iwo akukanani kapena kuti sakukondani.

Anthu onse okwatirana amakhala ndi “chisautso m’thupi.” (1 Akorinto 7:28) Amuna ndi akazi ena amagonja nachita zoipa pokakamizika ndi zothetsa nzeru za moyo m’dziko lovutali ngakhale kuti kuchita kwawo zimenezo n’kulakwabe. Robert akukumbukira kuti: “Abambo anatifunira zabwino. Iwo anasamutsa banja lathu kupita kumene anaganiza kuti zinthu zikakhala bwino n’cholinga choti tikakhale ndi nyumba yabwino kuti banja lathu likakhale lokondwa.” Koma zolinga zabwino za abambo ake zokhala ndi moyo wabwinowo zinasokonekera pasanatenge nthaŵi. Robert anati: “Abambo anayamba  kunyalanyalaza kupita ku misonkhano yachikristu. Kenaka ntchito inawathera. Patapita nthaŵi yochepa iwo anayamba kuchitira nkhanza amayi ndi mchemwali wanga.” Posakhalitsa zinthu zinaipiratu mpaka abambo ake ndi amayi ake anasudzulana.

Robert akanakhumudwiratu chifukwa cha zolakwa za abambo ake. Koma atalingalira zochita za abambo ake anakhazika mtima pansi. Ngakhale kuti kutha kwa ukwati wa makolo ake kunali kopweteketsa mtima, kunam’phunzitsa Robert kanthu kenakake kofunika. Robert anati: “Ndikadzakwatira, zinthu zauzimu zidzakhala patsogolo.”

Michael, amene tam’tchula poyamba paja, nayenso analimbana ndi mkwiyo kuti authetse. “Ndinkafuna kuwasoŵetsa mtendere abambo anga chifukwa cha zimene anatichitira,” iye anavomereza choncho. Koma iye anasungabe ubale wake ndi abambo akewo. M’kupita kwa nthaŵi, Michael anangozisiya n’kupitiriza moyo wake.

Inunso mungafunitsitse kuti ubale wanu ndi abambo anu utakhalabe wabwino ngati kungatheke. Zoonadi, iwo angakhale atakupweteketsani mtima inu ndi amayi anu. Koma n’kutheka kuti simukudziŵa nkhani yonse. Ndipo ngakhale mutadziŵa kuti iwowo ndiwo olakwa, iwo ndi abambo anube. Muli ndi udindo wowapatsabe ulemu ndithu. (Aefeso 6:1-3) Peŵani “kupsa mtima, ndi mkwiyo, ndi chiwawa, ndi mwano” pamene muli nawo. (Aefeso 4:31) Ngati zingatheke, musaloŵerere nkhani zachinsinsi za makolo anu zokhudza mikangano ya m’banja. Mwa kuwatsimikizira makolo anu onse kuti mumawakonda, mungagwirizane nawo bwino onse aŵiri.

Si Vuto Lanu

Kuchoka kwa abambo anu panyumba mwina kungakhale chinthu chimodzi chopweteka kwambiri chimene mungakumane nacho. Koma ngakhale ngati simunapeze zifukwa zake zimene iwo anachokera, palibe chifukwa choganizira kuti linali vuto lanu. Inde, zingaoneke ngati kuti akukanani inuyo. Koma si kaŵirikaŵiri pamene maukwati amatha chifukwa cha ana. Makolo anu anawinda pamaso pa Mulungu kuti adzakhala limodzi. Ndi udindo wawo—osati wanu—kuchita mogwirizana ndi kuwindako.—Mlaliki 5:4-6.

Komabe, ngati mwasokonezeka mutu, mukudziimba mlandu, kapena mukuona ngati ndinu mwachititsa, bwanji osayesa kuwauza makolo anu? Iwo angamasukedi n’kukulimbikitsani mofunikira. James, uja watchulidwa poyamba paja, anavomereza kuti: “Ndinkaganiza kuti wolakwa ndinali ine, mpaka pamene amayi ndi abambo anga anakhala nane pansi n’kukamba nane.” Nayenso mtsikana wina wotchedwa Nancy anadziimba mlandu pamene abambo ndi amayi ake anathetsa ukwati. Atakambirana ndi amayi ake kambirimbiri, Nancy anazindikira kuti: “Ana sayenera kudziimba mlandu pazochita za makolo awo.” Inde, kuleka makolo anu ‘kusenza katundu’ waudindo ‘wa iwo eni’ kungakuthandizeni kuti musakhale opanikizika m’maganizo. (Agalatiya 6:5) Koma kodi mudzatani tsopano pokhala m’nyumba mopanda abambo? Nkhani yotsatira m’tsogolo muno idzapereka mayankho ake.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Chithunzi patsamba 15]

Musadziimbe mlandu pamavuto a makolo anu a m’banja